Twisted Toyfare Theatre #1

(2001)

Spider-Macarena (Table of Contents: 1)

Spider-Man; Thor / photo story / 1 page (report information)

Script

Pat McCallum

Pencils

Pat McCallum (photos)

Inks

Pat McCallum (photos)

Colors

Pat McCallum (photos)

Letters

typeset

Genre

humor; superhero; fantasy-supernatural

Characters

Spider-Man; Thor

Synopsis

Spider-Man teaches the Macarena, and when Thor tries to stop him, Spider-Man insults him and makes him cry.

Keywords

action figures; dance; fumetti; Macarena; Twisted Toyfare Theatre

Indexer Notes

First printed in the original Toyfare special.

The Great Jawa Hunt! (Table of Contents: 2)

Spider-Man; Star Wars; Thor / photo story / 4 pages (report information)

Script

Pat McCallum; Tom Root; Douglas Goldstein

Pencils

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Inks

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Colors

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Letters

typeset

Genre

humor; superhero; adventure; science fiction; fantasy-supernatural

Characters

Spider-Man; Thor; Carl; Admiral Ackbar

Synopsis

Spider-Man uses Thor's hammer to squash jawas that are everywhere. He needs a bigger one, so he takes one from someone else. The jawas ambush him, and return Thor's helmet and wig to him, but give him the other character's hammer. The other character kills him and takes his hammer.

Reprints

• from Toyfare: The Toy Magazine (Wizard Entertainment, 1997 series) #2

Keywords

action figures; fumetti; hammer; Mjolnir; Twisted Toyfare Theatre

Indexer Notes

One of the characters is unidentified.

Clash of the Titans (Table of Contents: 3)

Spider-Man; Thor / photo story / 5 pages (report information)

Script

Pat McCallum; Tom Root; Douglas Goldstein

Pencils

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Inks

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Colors

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Letters

typeset

Genre

humor; superhero; fantasy-supernatural

Characters

Spider-Man (Mego); Thor; Spider-Man (Famous Covers Dolls); Wolverine; Storm; Green Goblin; Boss Hogg; Iron Man;

Synopsis

Spider-Man and Thor discover that the new neighbors are Famous Covers Dolls, who think they are better than them. They decide to settle it in the ring, with Spider-Man fighting Spider-Man. Mego Spider-Man takes a lead, but then Famous Covers Spider-Man gains the upper hand. Thor decides to help out, despite Spider-Man's past with him, but hits the wrong man. Famous Covers Spider-Man wins.

Reprints

• from Toyfare: The Toy Magazine (Wizard Entertainment, 1997 series) #8

Keywords

action figures; Boar's Nest; Famous Covers Dolls; fumetti; Mego Valley Realty; NWO; Stark Industries; Twisted Toyfare Theatre; wrestling

Fruity Caper (Table of Contents: 4)

Punisher / photo story / 1 page (report information)

Script

?

Pencils

? (photo)

Inks

? (photo)

Colors

? (photo)

Letters

typeset

Genre

humor; crime; superhero

Characters

Punisher; Franklin Richards; Kang the Conqueror

Synopsis

After Kang the Conqueror steals Franklin Richards’ piggy bank, Punisher kills him.

Keywords

action figures; ad parody; fake ad; fumetti; Hostess Fruit Pies; piggy bank; Twisted Toyfare Theatre

Clash of the Titans Part II (Table of Contents: 5)

Spider-Man / photo story / 6 pages (report information)

Script

Pat McCallum; Tom Root; Douglas Goldstein

Pencils

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Inks

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Colors

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Letters

typeset

Genre

humor; superhero

Characters

Storm; Spider-Man (Famous Covers Dolls); Green Goblin; Wolverine; Spider-Man (Mego); Boss Hogg; Iron Man; Thor; Dr. Doom; Baby Spice; Scary Spice; Sporty Spice; Ginger Spice; Posh Spice; Luke Duke; Bo Duke

Synopsis

When Spider-Man sees the horrible jokes the Famous Cover Dolls are doing, he decides he has to get rid of them. He recruits Dr. Doom to help him. Spider-Man releases a hoard of Beanie Babies. Doom releases the Spice Cannon, which shoots Baby Spice at them, but the other Spice Girls attack him. Mego Spider-Man defeats the Famous Covers Dolls. Thor and Iron Man die in a car crash in Hazzard County.

Reprints

• from Toyfare: The Toy Magazine (Wizard Entertainment, 1997 series) #9

Keywords

action figures; Beanie Babies; cookies; Famous Covers Dolls; Famous Covers Masterpiece Theatre; fumetti; Hazzard County; pumpkin pie; Spice Cannon; Stark Industries; toilet; Twisted Toyfare Theatre

On the Road (Table of Contents: 6)

Conan; Hulk; The Smurfs; Spider-Man; Thor / photo story / 6 pages (report information)

Script

Pat McCallum; Tom Root; Douglas Goldstein

Pencils

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Inks

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Colors

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Letters

typeset

Genre

humor; sword and sorcery; superhero; fantasy-supernatural

Characters

Conan the Barbarian; Thor; Hulk; Spider-Man; Captain America; Brainy Smurf; Grouchy Smurf; Hefty Smurf; Painter Smurf; God-is-Dead Smurf; Smurfette; Jokey Smurf; Papa Smurf

Synopsis

While driving to a goth convention, Spider-Man, Thor, Conan, and Hulk hit an iceberg. They walk through the woods and find a smurf. Hulk goes back to the car with the smurf while the others go to the smurf village. When Conan receives a exploding package from Jokey, he kills him. They are attacked as they flee in the car. They drive off a cliff and end up in the hospital.

Reprints

• from Toyfare: The Toy Magazine (Wizard Entertainment, 1997 series) #12

Keywords

action figures; bedpan; Dukes of Hazzard; Frank Frazetta; fumetti; goth convention; hospital; Keyser Söze; rock paper scissors; smurf village; Twisted Toyfare Theatre

The New Neighbors (Table of Contents: 7)

Spider-Man; Star Trek; Thor / photo story / 6 pages (report information)

Script

Pat McCallum; Tom Root; Douglas Goldstein

Pencils

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Inks

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Colors

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Letters

typeset

Genre

humor; superhero; science fiction; fantasy-supernatural

Characters

Thor; Spider-Man; Three of Twelve; Nine of Eight; Four of Five; Two of Four; Six of Seven; Five of Sixteen; Eleven of Three; Nine of Six; Three of Twenty; Three of Twenty; Nine of Two; Three of Fourteen; Seven of Eight

Synopsis

The borg move in next door to Spider-Man and Thor. They attempt to assimilate his house. They assimilate Thor, Spider-Man's barbecue and car. When he takes them back, the borg make it their mission to assimilate him. They move the fence, making their yard bigger, and steal his cable. They steal his stuff. He strays them off the roof, puts Beanie Babies tags on them, and girls come and take them away.

Reprints

• from Toyfare: The Toy Magazine (Wizard Entertainment, 1997 series) #14

Keywords

action figures; bagels; Baywatch; Beanie Babies; Buffy; Donna D'Errico; fumetti; hot dogs; kickball; Penthouse; Twisted Toyfare Theatre; Voyager

Blinded by Science (Table of Contents: 8)

Fantastic Four; Star Trek / photo story / 6 pages (report information)

Script

Pat McCallum; Tom Root; Douglas Goldstein

Pencils

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Inks

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Colors

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Letters

typeset

Genre

humor; superhero; science fiction

Characters

Mr. Fantastic; Spock; Spider-Man; Human Torch; Invisible Woman; Dr. Doom; Hulk; Captain America

Synopsis

Science proves to Reed that they are nothing but toys. He convinces Spock, who gets rid of his pants. Spider-Man runs him over. Reed proves it to the other Fantastic Four members by pulling the rubber bands out of Ben, pulling Johnny's flame off, and pointing out Sue is just off panel. Dr. Doom's doomsday device is eaten by a dinosaur. Hulk finds a mathematical error in Reed's work, proving him wrong. As punishment, they throw pies at him.

Reprints

• from Toyfare: The Toy Magazine (Wizard Entertainment, 1997 series) #17

Keywords

action figures; Allure; doomsday device; fourth wall; fumetti; LEGO blocks; nova flame; pie; Puppet Master; Teletubbies; Twisted Toyfare Theatre

Indexer Notes

This story has Mr. Fantastic refer to a past page number, saying "This whole stupid magazine stopped making sense on page 40." The number was changed to reflect the right page in the reprint.

It's a Doomed World After All... (Table of Contents: 9)

Fantastic Four; Hulk / photo story / 6 pages (report information)

Script

Pat McCallum; Tom Root; Douglas Goldstein

Pencils

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Inks

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Colors

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Letters

typeset

Genre

humor; superhero

Characters

Tarzan; Wolverine; Green Goblin; Captain America; Conan the Barbarian; Dr. Doom; Bucky; Bo Duke; Hulk; H.E.R.B.I.E.; Iron Man; Namor; Spider-Man

Synopsis

At Universal Studios, Dr. Doom finds a ride called "The Secrets of the Fantastic Four." He gets on it with the Hulk. H.E.R.B.I.E. is the narrator. Iron Man is molesting the robotic Invisible Woman. They see the future year 2000, which is only four months away. Doom's device has been changed to successfully capture power. Hulk breaks the safety bar so he can pee off the side. Robotic Richards mocks Doom's appearance. When Doom leaves the car, he short circuits in the water, and is molested by H.E.R.B.I.E. Elsewhere, Hulk and Spider-Man have a New Year's Eve party.

Reprints

• from Toyfare: The Toy Magazine (Wizard Entertainment, 1997 series) #27

Keywords

action figures; cotton candy; doombots; fumetti; Mickey Mouse hat; Mr. Toad's Wild Ride; New Year's Eve; Richie Rich; Twisted Toyfare Theatre; Universal Studios

The Mego Witch Project (Table of Contents: 10)

Hulk; Spider-Man; Thor / photo story / 6 pages (report information)

Script

Pat McCallum; Tom Root; Douglas Goldstein

Pencils

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Inks

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Colors

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Letters

typeset

Genre

humor; superhero; fantasy-supernatural

Characters

Spider-Man; Hulk; Thor; Kenny Baker; Todd McFarlane; Spawn; janitor

Synopsis

Spider-Man, Hulk, and Thor attend the Megoville Comic Con. A dealer blows up while helping Thor complete his Kamandi run. Hulk decides to video tape their experience. They hear that it is time to leave, but they can't find an exit, so they get stuck inside. They camp and go to sleep; during the night, Spider-Man knocks out Hulk. When they wake up, they find a bundle of sticks and Thor's cape. They walk south, but still don't find the exit. They find Thor, who thinks he's Kamandi. The janitor finds them all in a compromising position.

Reprints

• from Toyfare: The Toy Magazine (Wizard Entertainment, 1997 series) #28

Keywords

H.E.R.B.I.E.; Jack Kirby; Jennifer Love Hewitt; John Byrne; Julie Strain; Kamandi; Megoville Comic Con; Red Lobster; Stan Lee; toothbrush; Toys 'R Us

Indexer Notes

This story is a parody of "The Blair Witch Project."

Working for the Man! (Table of Contents: 11)

The Avengers; Fantastic Four / photo story / 6 pages (report information)

Script

Pat McCallum; Tom Root; Douglas Goldstein

Pencils

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Inks

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Colors

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Letters

typeset

Genre

humor; superhero

Characters

Bo Duke; Dr. Doom; Doombot-482; Doombot-718; Mr. Fantastic; Human Torch; Thing; Captain America; Vision; Iron Man; Invisible Woman; Franklin Richards; Falcon; Man-Thing; Bucky; Wolverine; Hulk

Synopsis

When some Doombots embezzle money, Doom is stuck in Megoville with no money. He goes to a temp agency, and they give him a job as a secretary at the Baxter Building. When Human Torch complains about his lunch order, Doom kills him. The Avengers show up, but he turns them away. Sue makes him watch Franklin, and he kills him too. The temp agency calls and sends him to a new job: running a lemonade stand.

Reprints

• from Toyfare: The Toy Magazine (Wizard Entertainment, 1997 series) #31

Keywords

401K; action figures; Alan Moore; Baxter Building; copier; fumetti; lemonade stand; Megoville; Mephisto; Netscape; Twisted Toyfare Theatre; Windex

Everything Must Go! (Table of Contents: 12)

Fantastic Four / photo story / 6 pages (report information)

Script

Pat McCallum; Tom Root; Doug Goldstein

Pencils

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Inks

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Colors

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Letters

typeset

Genre

humor; superhero

Characters

Dr. Doom; Man-Thing; Green Goblin; Boss Hogg; May Parker; Spider-Man; Mr. Fantastic; Invisible Woman; Captain America; Bucky; Vision; Dr. Strange; Northstar; Nightcrawler

Synopsis

To raise money, Dr. Doom has a yard sale. He sells the Infinity Gauntlet to May, Bucky frozen in ice to Captain America, MAD magazines to Dr. Strange, Dr. Strange's body to Northstar, and an image inducer to Nightcrawler. The yard sale is a success.

Reprints

• from Toyfare: The Toy Magazine (Wizard Entertainment, 1997 series) #34

Keywords

action figures; Atari; Cracked magazine; fumetti; image inducer; Infinity Gauntlet; Kamandi; MAD magazine; Megoville; Twisted Toyfare Theatre; Wong; yard sale

Large and in Charge! (Table of Contents: 13)

photo story / 6 pages (report information)

Script

Pat McCallum; Tom Root; Douglas Goldstein

Pencils

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Inks

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Colors

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Letters

typeset

Genre

humor

Characters

pizza guy; Thing; Alicia Masters; Negative Zone Alien; Kang the Conqueror; Captain America; Iron Man; Human Torch; Franklin Richards

Synopsis

Thing punches a pizza guy and gets ready for a night of pizza and beer. He ignores Negative Zone Alien when he asks for help. He punches Kang. He pranks the Avengers and drinks beer and watches the game with Iron Man. He ignores the other Fantastic Four when they call for help and gets his foot stuck up Kang's butt.

Reprints

• from Toyfare: The Toy Magazine (Wizard Entertainment, 1997 series) #35

Keywords

action figures; beer; Darryl Strawberry; fumetti; Negative Zone; pizza; sausage gravy; Twisted Toyfare Theatre

Bad to be Good (Table of Contents: 14)

Captain America; Silver Surfer; Spider-Man; Dr. Doom; Dukes of Hazzard / photo story / 6 pages (report information)

Script

Pat McCallum; Tom Root; Douglas Goldstein

Pencils

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Inks

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Colors

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Letters

typeset

Genre

humor; superhero; science fiction

Characters

Dr. Doom; Green Goblin; Kang the Conqueror; Boss Hogg; Venom; Lizard; Red Skull; Larry; Mephisto; Jimmy Carter; May Parker; Bill Gates; Punisher; Bucky

Synopsis

Doom holds a villain meeting, but nobody pays attention to him. Mephisto appears and warns them to change their ways or they'll end up in hell. They decide to do it. Red Skull feeds the homeless. Dr. Doom builds houses. Kang helps May Parker across the street, but needs to back in time several times, and is killed. Venom kills Bill Gates and destroys his monopoly. Green Goblin is killed when Punisher mistakes his intentions. They are saved when hell is bought out by Gates.

Reprints

• from Toyfare: The Toy Magazine (Wizard Entertainment, 1997 series) #39

Keywords

action figures; fumetti; Habitat for Humanity; hell; Key West; milk; moonshine; National Geographic; Punisher War Journal; Taurus; Twisted Toyfare Theatre; Windows 2001

Indexer Notes

There is a currently unidentified Planet of the Apes character in this story.

A Real American Hero (Table of Contents: 15)

G.I. Joe; Iron Man; Star Wars / photo story / 6 pages (report information)

Script

Pat McCallum; Tom Root; Douglas Goldstein

Pencils

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Inks

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Colors

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Letters

typeset

Genre

humor; military; superhero; adventure; science fiction

Characters

May Parker; Spider-Man; Cobra Commander; Cobra Spider-Man; Destro; Major Bludd; Shipwreck; Polly; Roadblock; Duke; Tomax; Xamot; Scarlett; Snake Eyes; Dave; Cory; Frank; Ben Serpentor; Mindbender; Storm Shadow; Jon Baker; Frank “Ponch” Poncherello; burglar

Synopsis

Aunt May asks Spider-Man to watch Uncle Ben's ashes while he watches television with Iron Man. The house is invaded by COBRA. They have their own Spider-Man. G.I. Joe parachutes in and the two groups fight. Destro gets stuck to the fridge. Spider-Man teaches them how to fire their guns, but they don't play that way. COBRA uses Uncle Ben's ashes to clone Ben Serpentor. Jon and Ponch chase a burglar through the house, and he kills Ben.

Reprints

• from Toyfare: The Toy Magazine (Wizard Entertainment, 1997 series) #40

Keywords

action figures; Daily Bugle; fumetti; Lays; parachute; pizza; Reagan; redrum; Twisted Toyfare Theatre; wheatcakes; Zelda

Indexer Notes

Various COBRA and G.I. Joe characters have not been identified yet.

War is Hell! (Table of Contents: 16)

Avengers; / photo story / 6 pages (report information)

Script

Pat McCallum; Tom Root; Douglas Goldstein

Pencils

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Inks

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Colors

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Letters

typeset

Genre

humor

Characters

Scarlet Witch; Franklin Richards; Iron Man; Jarvis; Kang; Falcon; Captain America; Invaders [Sub-Mariner; Human Torch; Toro]; Thor; Private Ryan; Teddy Roosevelt; Red Skull; Bucky; Bettie Page

Synopsis

Scarlet Witch takes a group of kids on a field trip through the Avengers Mansion. They meet Iron Man, Kang, and Falcon. Captain America tells them stories of World War II. He razed a Swiss village, killed Private Ryan, and was saved by Bucky. Bucky committed suicide. Thor was a war dodger. Captain America returns upstairs, where he is keeping Bettie Page chained to a wall.

Reprints

• from Toyfare: The Toy Magazine (Wizard Entertainment, 1997 series) #45

Keywords

action figures; alcohol; Avengers Mansion; Flash Gordan; fumetti; Giant Man; Rick Jones; suicide; Switzerland; Toronto; Twisted Toyfare Theatre; World War II

Fear and Loathing in Eternia (Table of Contents: 17)

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe / photo story / 6 pages (report information)

Script

Pat McCallum; Tom Root; Douglas Goldstein

Pencils

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Inks

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Colors

Paul Schiraldi (photos)

Letters

typeset

Genre

humor; sword and sorcery

Characters

Hulk; Spider-Man [He-Man]; Dr. Strange; Orko; Man-at-Arms; Skeletor; Trap Jaw; Tri-Klops; Prince Adam; Sorceress; Stinkor

Synopsis

Hulk buys the Necronomicon off Amazon. When he reads from it, Spider-Man is sent to Eternia. He meets Orko and Man-at-Arms, who have captured Skeletor. Orko runs off and Man-at-Arms is crushed by Spider-Man's couch. Skeletor takes him to his castle. The others are watching the Masters of the Universe DVD. Spider-Man explains to Skeletor about He-Man's secret identity. He kills Adam. The Sorceress gives Spider-Man He-Man's sword, and he uses it to return home. The Sorceress is killed, Spider-Man becomes He-Man, and Hulk becomes Orko.

Reprints

• from Toyfare: The Toy Magazine (Wizard Entertainment, 1997 series) #46

Keywords

action figures; Amazon.com; Cinemax; Clark Kent; coco; couch; Defenders; Eternia; Frank Langella; fumetti; He-Man; Marvel Team-Up; Necronomicon; pants; Pepsi; Snake Mountain; Superman; Sword of Power; Thundercats; Time; Twisted Toyfare Theatre

Indexer Notes

Title is a reference to Fearing and Loathing in Las Vegas.