Mad #509

(June 2011)

An Incredible, Spectacular Offer For NEW Subscribers Only! (Table of Contents)

MAD Magazine / promo (ad from the publisher) / 1 page (report information)

Credits

Script:

?

Pencils:

?

Inks:

?

Colors:

?

Letters:

typeset

Content Information

Characters:

Alfred E. Neuman

Synopsis:

Ad for subscriptions, giving away the Alfred E. Neuman portraits that were sold from 1966-1984.

Indexer Notes

inside front cover

Departments (Table of Contents)

It's The List We Can Do Department / table of contents / 1 page (report information)

Credits

Script:

?

Pencils:

various (see Notes)

Inks:

various (see Notes)

Colors:

?

Letters:

typeset

Content Information

Characters:

Alfred E. Neuman; Col. Mummar el-Qaddafi; White Spy; General Greivous

Indexer Notes

The feature "A Hardened Dictator Department" is phony and does not actually appear in the issue.
Art is from various articles in this issue.

Random Samplings of Reader Mail (Table of Contents)

Letters And Tomatoes Dept. / letters page / 2.25 pages (report information)

Credits

Script:

John Ficara; Gabe Christensen; Lizzie Renaud; Cameron Hallett; Garry Powell; Holden Zuschlag; Sierra Rush

Pencils:

Lizzie Renaud (tattoo); Steve Potter; ? (photo)

Inks:

Lizzie Renaud (tattoo); Steve Potter; ? (photo)

Colors:

?; ? (photo)

Letters:

typeset

Content Information

Characters:

Alfred E. Neuman; Scott McCreery; Holden Zuschlag; Tom Richmond; Rich Sommer; Black Spy; White Spy

Synopsis:

Letters, photos and fan art, including an Alfred E. Neuman tattoo and tweets about the last issue.

Spy Vs Spy Gear & Gifts (Table of Contents)

Spy Museum Store / advertisement / 0.5 page (report information)

Credits

Script:

?

Pencils:

? (photo)

Inks:

? (photo)

Colors:

? (photo)

Letters:

typeset

Editing:

?

Content Information

Characters:

Black Spy; White Spy

Synopsis:

Ad for Spy vs. Spy merchandise.

Indexer Notes

on bottom of page 2 of letters pages

[no title indexed] (Table of Contents)

credits / 0.25 page (report information)

Credits

Script:

?

Letters:

typeset

Content Information

Genre:

fact

Indexer Notes

on bottom of page 3 of letters pages

$#*! My Son Says (Table of Contents)

See B.S. Department / cartoon / 1 page (report information)

Credits

Script:

Jeff Kruse

Pencils:

Associated Press (photo)

Inks:

Associated Press (photo)

Colors:

Associated Press (photo)

Letters:

typeset

Content Information

Genre:

satire

Characters:

Charlie Sheen; Martin Sheen

Synopsis:

Phony ad for television series, parody of "$#*! My Father Says."

The Fundalini Pages (Table of Contents)

Random Acts of Mindless Department; The Stupid Six; Latest Classified Ads; Angry / Angrier / Angriest Birds; Superhero Origins Gone Wrong!; Leg of Lambert; This Bland Is Your Bland; Monkeys Are Always Funny; Gimme A Flake; Pull My Cheney / comic story / 5 pages (report information)

Credits

Script:

Jeff Kruse; Sergio Aragones; Scott Maiko; Jacob Lambert; Desmond Devlin; Kenny Keil; Tom Bland; Emily Flake; Tom Cheney; John Caldwell

Pencils:

Sergio Aragones; Tom Bunk; Jacob Lambert; Mort Drucker; Kenny Keil; Tom Bland; Emily Flake; Tom Cheney; John Caldwell; Chris Houghton; Sam Viviano; Charles Akins; Rick Tukla; ? (photo)

Inks:

Sergio Aragones; Tom Bunk; Jacob Lambert; Mort Drucker; Kenny Keil; Tom Bland; Emily Flake; Tom Cheney; John Caldwell; Chris Houghton; Sam Viviano; Charles Akins; Rick Tukla; ? (photo)

Colors:

?

Letters:

typeset; Tom Cheney; Emily Flake; Jacob Lambert

Content Information

Genre:

satire; humor

Characters:

Betty White; Alex Rodriguez; Angry Birds; Kieth Olbermann; Kal-El; Jor-El; Lara; Johnathon Kent; Martha Kent; Bruce Wayne; Green Lantern [Abin Sur]; Hal Jordan; Barry Allen; Bill O'Reilly; Ted Williams; John Boehner

Synopsis:

Various short satires of pop culture.

Indexer Notes

Additional features are: Surprises To Watch For...; Surprising Proposals In The NFL Labor Talks; Celebrity Cause-of-Death Betting Odds; Ted Williams Vs. Ted Williams; Reasons For That "Mature" ESRB Rating; Spotlight On American Universities; Signs You Haven't Actually Discovered A Lost Amazon Tribe; What's Making John Boehner Cry This Week?

MAD Libyan (Table of Contents)

A MAD Ad Parody; Funny Or Diatribe Department / comic story / 1 page (report information)

Credits

Script:

?

Pencils:

?

Inks:

?

Colors:

?

Letters:

typeset

Content Information

Genre:

satire

Characters:

Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi

Synopsis:

parody of Mad Libs puzzle books

Muddled Family (Table of Contents)

Relatives' Stupidity Department / comic story / 6 pages (report information)

Credits

Script:

Arnie Kogen

Pencils:

Tom Richmond

Inks:

Tom Richmond

Colors:

?

Letters:

typeset

Content Information

Genre:

satire

Characters:

Jake; Glorius; Phizz; Clairoil; Twitchell; Cramp; Lolly; Hadley; Mango; Lute; Alox

Synopsis:

Parody of TV show Modern Family.

Kanye West's Most Moronic Tweets (Table of Contents)

Characters Flawed Department / text article / 2 pages (report information)

Credits

Script:

Jacob Lambert

Pencils:

Sam Sisco

Inks:

Sam Sisco

Colors:

?

Letters:

typeset

Content Information

Genre:

satire

Characters:

Kanye West

Synopsis:

phony Tweets

Indexer Notes

one illustration

Subscribe To MAD And Own A Piece of MAD History! (Table of Contents)

MAD Magazine / promo (ad from the publisher) / 1 page (report information)

Credits

Script:

?

Pencils:

Norman Mingo

Inks:

Norman Mingo

Colors:

?

Letters:

typeset

Content Information

Characters:

Alfred E. Neuman

Synopsis:

House ad for subscriptions.

Indexer Notes

Cover art (without text) from MAD #96 is reproduced as part of ad.

The Strip Club (Table of Contents)

Pen And Stink Dept.; Just Below The Surface; It Only Hurts When I Laugh; The Truth Flirts; Coombs & Coombs; Good Enough!; Twisted Toaster Tales / comic story / 4 pages (report information)

Credits

Script:

Vic Black; Douglas Paszkiewicz; Jason Coates; Pete Tamburino; Nate Fakes; Christopher Baldwin

Pencils:

Vic Black; Douglas Paszkiewicz; Jason Coates; Pete Tamburino; Nate Fakes; Christopher Baldwin

Inks:

?

Colors:

?

Letters:

typeset; Pete Tamburino; Nate Fakes; Christopher Baldwin

Content Information

Genre:

humor

Synopsis:

A collection of comic strips.

Thank You For Screwing Us (Table of Contents)

Filler-Busted Department / text article / 1 page (report information)

Credits

Script:

Dick DeBartolo

Colors:

?

Letters:

typeset

Content Information

Genre:

satire

Synopsis:

Phony open letter from Taco Bull about the small percentage of beef in their tacos.

Indexer Notes

Based on discovery that Taco Bell restaurants use less than 100% beef.

Signs That Your Hypochondria Is Out Of Control (Table of Contents)

The Sick Sense Department / comic story / 2 pages (report information)

Credits

Script:

Teresa Burns Parkhurst

Pencils:

Teresa Burns Parkhurst

Inks:

Teresa Burns Parkhurst

Colors:

?

Letters:

Teresa Burns Parkhurst

Content Information

Genre:

humor

Synopsis:

Examples of extreme hypochondria.

Planet Tad!!!!! (Table of Contents)

In Blog We Trust Department / text article / 2 pages (report information)

Credits

Script:

Tim Carvell

Pencils:

Brian Durniak

Inks:

Brian Durniak

Colors:

?

Letters:

typeset

Content Information

Genre:

humor

Synopsis:

Tad discusses relates the problems that followed when he and his friend Chuck traded names in a class with a substitute teacher.

MAD's Thor-oughly Stupid Thor Outtakes (Table of Contents)

Beating A Dead Norse Department / comic story / 2 pages (report information)

Credits

Script:

?

Pencils:

? (photo)

Inks:

? (photo)

Colors:

? (photo)

Letters:

typeset

Content Information

Genre:

humor

Characters:

Thor

Synopsis:

Stills from the movie "Thor" with fake dialog.

MAD's 11 Little-Known, Practical, Real Life Uses for Ballet (Table of Contents)

The Plie's The Thing Department / comic story / 2 pages (report information)

Credits

Script:

Mike Craig

Pencils:

Jack Syracuse

Inks:

Jack Syracuse

Colors:

?

Letters:

typeset

Content Information

Genre:

humor

Synopsis:

Demonstrating how ballet moves can get you out of many a jam.

Spy vs. Spy (Table of Contents)

Joke And Dagger Dept. / comic story / 2 pages (report information)

Credits

Script:

Peter Kuper (signed)

Pencils:

Peter Kuper (signed)

Inks:

Peter Kuper (signed)

Colors:

?

Content Information

Genre:

spy; humor

Characters:

Black Spy; White Spy

Synopsis:

In the first story, the Black Spy becomes paranoid of the White Spy after reading Wikileaks, but fails to discover the plot against him. In the second story, the White Spy succumbs to a window rigged by the Black Spy.

Indexer Notes

2 stories.

Don Martin Beats The High Cost Of Gasoline (Table of Contents)

The MAD Vault; The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Lame Dept. / comic story / 3 pages (report information)

Credits

Script:

Don Martin (signed)

Pencils:

Don Martin (signed)

Inks:

Don Martin (signed)

Content Information

Genre:

humor

Synopsis:

Some improbable list of ways to travel without gasoline are demonstrated.

Reprints: show reprint note before migration

• from Mad (EC, 1952 series) #180 (January 1976)

Dancing With The Star Wars (Table of Contents)

R2-D2-Step Department / comic story / 4 pages (report information)

Credits

Script:

Dave Croatto

Pencils:

Hermann Mejia

Inks:

Hermann Mejia

Colors:

?

Letters:

typeset

Content Information

Genre:

satire

Characters:

Tom Bergeron; Brooke Burke; Darth Vader; Stormtrooper; Wicket; Jabba The Hutt; Boba Fett; Darth Maul; Greedo; Han Solo; General Grievous; Luke Skywalker; Obi-Wan Kenobi; Jawas; Yoda; Chewbacca; C3PO; Jar Jar Binks; Mace Windu; William Shatner; Alfred E. Neuman; James T. Kirk; Spock

Synopsis:

Parody of TV show "Dancing With The Stars", using Star Wars Characters.

Indexer Notes

Ends with a preview of "Dancing With The Star Trek", which pays homage to the cover of MAD #186.

Sheen It? (Table of Contents)

Porn Family Game Night Department / comic story / 1 page (report information)

Credits

Script:

?

Pencils:

Associated Press (photo); Leakeem / Dreamstime.com (background photo)

Inks:

Associated Press (photo); Leakeem / Dreamstime.com (background photo)

Colors:

Associated Press (photo); Leakeem / Dreamstime.com (background photo)

Letters:

typeset

Content Information

Genre:

satire

Characters:

Charlie Sheen

Synopsis:

Parody of the game Scene It?, using questions about Charlie Sheen.

Things You Don't Want To Hear From A Marriage Counselor (Table of Contents)

Split Happens Department / comic story / 2 pages (report information)

Credits

Script:

Jeff Kruse

Pencils:

Evan Dorkin; Sarah Dyer

Inks:

Evan Dorkin; Sarah Dyer

Colors:

?

Letters:

typeset

Content Information

Genre:

humor

Synopsis:

Statements that show you have a horrible counselor.

A MAD Look At Hoarders (Table of Contents)

Serge-In General Dept. / comic story / 4 pages (report information)

Credits

Script:

Sergio Aragones

Pencils:

Sergio Aragones

Inks:

Sergio Aragones

Colors:

Tom Luth

Content Information

Genre:

humor

Synopsis:

Extreme hoarding and how being on TV changes the hoarders.

Similarities & Differences Between The Spider-Man Musical And The War In Afghanistan (Table of Contents)

Theatres Of The Absurd Department / text article / 1 page (report information)

Credits

Script:

?

Pencils:

Ward Sutton

Inks:

Ward Sutton

Colors:

?

Letters:

typeset

Content Information

Genre:

humor

Characters:

Spider-Man; US soldier

Synopsis:

A list of attributes shared (or not) between the musical and the war.

The 50 Worst Things About Facebook (Table of Contents)

Zuckerberg's-Eye View Department / text article / 5 pages (report information)

Credits

Script:

Charlie Kadau; Jason Katzenstein; Joe Masterman; Jason Salas

Pencils:

Bob Staake

Inks:

Bob Staake

Colors:

?

Letters:

typeset

Content Information

Genre:

satire

Characters:

Mark Zuckerberg

Synopsis:

A list of things wrong with Facebook, presented as if they appear on a Facebook page.

One Fine Day On Main Street (Table of Contents)

Underage Thinking Department / comic story / 1 page (report information)

Credits

Script:

Michael Gallagher

Pencils:

Paul Coker

Inks:

Paul Coker

Colors:

?

Content Information

Genre:

humor

Synopsis:

A 18 year kid can't buy liquor at the store, so he robs it.

Where Did Many Young Performers Get Their First Big Break? (Table of Contents)

Mad Fold-In / activity / 1 page (report information)

Credits

Script:

Al Jaffee (signed)

Pencils:

Al Jaffee (signed)

Inks:

Al Jaffee (signed)

Colors:

?

Letters:

typeset

Content Information

Genre:

humor

Characters:

Spider-Man

Synopsis:

Answer is Spider-Man On Broadway.

Indexer Notes

inside back cover

Escape From Zombieville, USA! (Table of Contents)

The Zombie Chasers / advertisement / 1 page (report information)

Credits

Script:

?

Pencils:

Steve Wolfhard

Inks:

Steve Wolfhard

Colors:

?

Letters:

typeset

Editing:

?

Content Information

Characters:

Zack Clarke; zombies

Synopsis:

Ad for books series.

Indexer Notes

back cover