Colonel Weird [Randall Weird]; Lucy Weber; Rosa Lee Weber; Joseph Weber II; Elliot; Tammy Trueheart; Abraham Slam; Adolf Hitler (flashback); Neil Armstrong (flashback); Martin Luther King (flashback); John F. Kennedy (flashback); Jackie Kennedy (flashback); John Connally (flashback); Barack Obama (flashback); Michelle Obama (flashback); Gail Gibbons; Sherlock Frankenstein; Inspector Insector