Sex to Sexty
#32
([December] 1970)
- Volume
- 32
- Price
- 1.00 USD; 1.25 CAD
- Pages
- 68
- Indicia Frequency
- six new chapters each year
- Indicia / Colophon Publisher
- S.R.I. Publishing Co.
- Editing
- Richard Rodman (editor); Goose Reardon (associate editor); Ken Idaho (associate editor)
Issue Notes
Pages 41-44 are missing from indexers copy. Those sequences would go between sequence 168 and 169.
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- Whattya mean, 'what's my wife's name?' Let's not drag her into this!
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- humor
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- If YOUR wife had a hole like mine, you wouldn't go out to play golf, either!
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- Well, the first time you smelled garlic you thought you wouldn't like that, either...
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- Tell Mommy when she's through here, she's got another call to make.
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- ?
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- Deac Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
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- Daddy, I'm gonna stay over at Aunt Martha's and chew the fat for a while...
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- Ha! And they said they'd never be able to replace violence on these Saturday morning kiddie shows!
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- Poor sterile man... I'd like to make up for what I did... how about YOU using MY wife until the baby comes?
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- Son, you're getting too old to sit on Daddy's lap with your toys.
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- humor
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- As a kid, I was bribed to do the dishes, clean my room, rake the lawn. This is just the next logical step.
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- humor
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- My new little wife's a mite bashful, but she'll friendly up when she gets to know you a few times.
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- Deac Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
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- You'll have to replace me on the jury, your honor... I just remembered where I saw the defendant.
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- Yeah, Susie, we was doin' it right... only Momma moves her behind a little bit faster.
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- Mom's swap partner came, but he decided not to wait...
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- Serves you right, for telling my sister to kiss your foot...
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- Remember what we heard about that girl from West Wheeling? She just did it again!
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- I remember now... you were that kid who was always eating in class.
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- You may think I'm cheap...but you ain't heard my price yet!
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- John McLachlan [as Johnny Mac] (signed)
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- John McLachlan [as Johnny Mac] (signed)
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- This Miami Beach room service is something else!
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- Now everyone will know who the real swingers are.
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- Ya better make it good, Mr. Yonson, or I take dat other yob across town...
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- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
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- Nobody's ever lost one, and they've sunk plenty.
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- Gosh, Mr. Gilson, lots of men your age can't even wiggle their ears any more!
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- On your next lesson, we try it with horses.
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- Never mind the electric chair, Warden. He won't be needing it.
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- Which one of these interiors do you want me to decorate, Madame?
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- What a funny, prank letter... it's from an obstetrician over in the next county, saying your wife is pregnant...
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- I'm in the stirrups, Doc. Try not to whoa before I giddyup this time.
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- That's my new boyfriend. He thinks I'm a V-I-R-G-I-N.
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- But you can't picket tomorrow... it's our Swap Night!
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- I'll never swim that close to a Greek's yacht again!
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- The madame gives a refund if you bring back her empties.
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- If you're going to work for our company, Mr. Teetz, there's a couple of things you need to know about.
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- I know she's your youngest, Esmerelda, but she can't be virgin wool forever!
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- Sure, I've had that many pricks before...but not all at one time!
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- You know, I've got a pretty sweet husband, letting me pick the new manager for our team.
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- Does a man beg for water, when they're giving wine away?
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- Wow! Don't tell me you got THAT wart playing with frogs!
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- Thanks, doctor. And I know my husband will thank you, too, for teaching me this.
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- No one will interfere...they'll think it's just another mugging!
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- Go on, Pal...the honeymoon's over, and you promised to tell her you weren't a real preacher.
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- Oh, no, Nappy! You didn't forget the French letters again!
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- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
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- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
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- Back in the old days, they didn't allow bananas or fresh corn past the first floor.
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- But there's no charge to you, sir. Our airline really takes care of its grounded passengers.
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- Why didn't you folks tell me you wanted to go down?
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- At last... I've achieved true functionalism!
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- You were holding my ears to tight... I missed the last 'All Ashore'!
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- Now do you believe I'm just as good as you are!
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- Do I want rubbers? I don't know... are you busy tonight, lady?
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- Run through it one more time, ma'am, and I believe I'll know what to do when Bossie's calf comes.
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- It's risin', but it ain't shinin' yet...
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- There's my wife now. Perhaps she'll ask you to stay for supper.
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- Maybe he's not one, but every time he passes my window, the PANSIES look up and smile at him.
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- Don't go away, Dear... you're NEXT...
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- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
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- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
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- It's a surprise for my kiddies...try to capture that motherly look.
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- Oh, no! I just remembered this is a safe night on my wife's rhythm calendar.
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- Cocktail hour's over, Umbago...Throw her in the pot!
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- Says the Madame, "My trade is immense..."
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- If you don't like shots there's hormones Miss.
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- Sure, you'll get one of those when you're older...I've already had several.
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- Honest...I'm tellin' you, Mister...that ain't the way to San Jose!
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- Ha! I knew there was a reason why he started washing his hands without being told!
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- ?
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- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
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- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
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- It worked, Chester...I got my wish!
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- Now that you've got my nymphomania down to a reasonable level...
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- My connections with the force are only TITular, sir...
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- What sort of consumer's guide are you printing, Mister?
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- So I said, 'Listen, Peewee, non of my other tricks ever complained about my big mouth before'...
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- Tell me, Cousin Rafe, what is it that makes you so sure these girls will be easy makes?
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- It don't seem right, Big Louie, having your boys do all the dirty work for our wedding night!
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- Did I hear the milkman say a pussy was loose in here?
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- Man, did I ever get surfaced!
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- Because they appeal to my prurient interests, that's why!
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- You were a great swap partner, Mr. LeBlanc. You mean I really don't have to cook your breakfast?
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- I hope my Precious didn't hurt her pretty little head on the foot of the bed last night...
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- Maybe I was supposed to add water to that peppermint douche...
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- You're not being punished... the Queen uses Rhythm, and she does this to all her boyfriends on her unsafe nights.
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- Looks like you're fixin' to light my fire!
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- If you're not here by sundown, I'll use the candles.
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- If that's not a snake, you're fired!
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- Married or not, you're not sticking me with that thing!
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- Nurse, this is Rodman speaking. How many quarts does Doc want me to leave today?
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- I said 'love, honor and cherish', but I never promised not to laugh!
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- But how will this help you gain inches in your pelvic region?
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- We're in the money, honey...I got the whole thing down on sound film!
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- Why yes, Miss Glotz...we Volkswagen owners do have our engines in the rear.
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- Talk about inflation...the grocer gets more for meat than I do!
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- I finally talked her into letting me go bowling...but now I don't have the strength!
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- They told me you painted, but I didn't know you were an interior decorator, too!
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- I've stood here for three hours now, and I still can't figure out what they're selling.
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- Your bride is over here, you dumkopf...didn't anyone ever tell you, you're supposed to use the middle hole?
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- Didn't my son teach you the code of the hills...when you marry a man, you marry his whole family?
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- Those Sex-to-Sexty cartoons are just for fun, Miss...you'll crack your pelvis trying them all.
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- That new automat's sure hard to beat...
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- No, that isn't the French way to spell it...it's not even the French way to do it!
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- Wow! You were right..my motor is in the front!
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- Good heavens, Pederastrus, there's Emperor Nero...I'll never fiddle with him again!
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- For a dollar extra, she holds your balls while you throw.
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- The 'Single Parents Club' is great...tomorrow we'll show your kids what it's like to have both a father and a mother...
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- Hello, lawyer McIlhaney? Drop the divorce suit...he says I can keep my lover.
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- All right, Doris, one more push and...hey...you're not Doris!
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- No, you don't need a skeleton key. My scullery boy picks chastity belt locks with his teeth.
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- John McLachlan [as Johnny Mac] (signed)
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- Now, Aunt Peggy, I really look like the Big Bad Wolf!
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- But didn't the doctor tell you? Your rabbit test was negative...
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- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
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- A true sportsman doesn't shoot more than he can eat.
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- If our taxes pay his salary, we're entitled to watch him work!
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- I couldn't turn him down, dear...that would be mutiny!
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- Buddy, I'm sure glad that psychiatrist cursed us of our childish sibling rivalry!
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- The pawnbroker wouldn't take your watch, dear, but I had something else he wanted.
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- No, Fred, so far he hasn't done anything you didn't do.
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- I should've listened to Mother when she said 'Don't be the only single guy at a gang bang'.
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- The next test is essential, if you're buying one for your honeymoon...
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- You can save me later, Sister...if tonight you see that I get spent!
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- Gosh, Mom, you mean I have to...but that's what I got married so I could quit doing!
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- Is this where Stinkfing...er, Susie Smith lives?
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- I like it when I can stare a broad right in the eye...
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- Sometimes I get the feeling I'm completely boxed in...
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- I believe you're right, Maizie. He is a little shorter than your first husband.
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- You wanta duck, Fick?
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- Deacon Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
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- Of course, I'm not a Lesbian, silly...I'm her replacement on the three o'clock shift.
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- I always did say your monkey was just begging for it...
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- Deac Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
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- Mums need me to do her garden this weekend, so you can take this along on your trip.
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- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
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- But five inches was enough for your granny, Elly Lou...
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- Technically, we should only pay for the first two...but I'd be a pretty poor father to let my own babies go hungry.
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- Don't be upset, Eve. We'll find a nice warm cave and bury that old snake.
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- Please, Robert, I'm not in the mood for four-play!
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- Why, yes, Cynthia...as a matter of fact, I do always take off my hat to a lady...
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- Good news, men...we've found Pierre!
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- Go slow on the turbulence, Captain...it's my first time as Stewardess.
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- Nibble, schmibble...give me something I can sink my teeth into!
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- You should have been here. Old Yogi really put his foot in it this time.
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- Deac Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
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- Welcome, folks, to this uncensored version of the 'Dating Game'!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- No! It was bad enough, having to kiss all the privates at our wedding reception!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- My wife, Lesbia, sent me down to borrow a cup of cream.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- The vertical elastic crotch opening gives your man that little 'squeeze' we older girls are missing.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Gosh, are you sure I'll drown if you take it out?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- What's the difference, who goes first...neither of us is gonna get what she really wants!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- If you ask me, Sappho, this is a hell of a place to write a poem!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Dear, do you think we'll ever be able to afford a cow, like the other dairies?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Bill Riley [as Richard Riley] (signed)
- Inks
- Bill Riley [as Richard Riley] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Excuse me, Vicki, I thought this was Thursday
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- That scented rose ain't the only thing that smells...
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- You're a dirty old man! Want me to give you a bath?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Bill Riley [as Richard Riley] (signed)
- Inks
- Bill Riley [as Richard Riley] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Oh, wow! Ellie Mae, I thought that knot hole was softer than usual!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I know now why folks get the jitters...
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- What would you have me teach the young lady to blow?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.25 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- You certainly know how to dress for a blind date, Miss Farb!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'll just pour a little of this on my lap, so no one will notice what else happened...
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Hope you don't mind the glasses. I always read myself to sleep...
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Deac Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
- Inks
- Deac Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- If those Yanks keep sending new troops, I'll run out of plastic cherries...
- Genre
- humor
- Keywords
- Vietnam War
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- But, Dr. Flynn, shouldn't we wait until I get out of traction?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Where are you Galahad? Your fire breathing dragon is home from PTA!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Deac Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
- Inks
- Deac Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Once again, all...I believe I can choose a wife better the second time around...
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Hurry it up, Joe...they're serving Boston Butt in the cafeteria today!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Introducing 'Cool Job' Grogan, his organ and guitar.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- And now here's that great big furry pussy I promised to show you!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Hold the ladder, stupid! You want her to fall and miscarry?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Gosh, Mr. Manning, do you and your son do everything together?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Sorry you had to wait, but I got hung up at the Kennel Club.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Unlax, Sweetiepuss...you're almost as cold as my wife!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Well, you asked me to help you get your rocks off.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- And I say you could've kept the kid from kicking until after the minister finished!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Don't be absurd, Charles...lots of nice girls carry rubbers in their purses.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- They told me in Philadelphia you Main Line girls were different.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- How much farther do you live, Mister? Us New York streetwalkers charge by the block,you know.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- But I thought they all had three holes...
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Does this mean you two won't be wanting your prune Danish today?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- So what if they are silicone? Am I charging you fifty smackers for a piece of tit?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- There's the channel I want...
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- If this were a modern movie, we'd get desperate and go for each other soon...
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Please try them, dear. You know how that latex affects my prickly heat...
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- How do you like my foot in the door routine?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- Dare Dutter [as Dare] (signed)
- Pencils
- Dare Dutter [as Dare] (signed)
- Inks
- Dare Dutter [as Dare] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- The Volkswagen was tough enough, but this one had bucket seats!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- Earl Engleman (signed)
- Pencils
- Earl Engleman (signed)
- Inks
- Earl Engleman (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Now there's a piece that knocked us off!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- Dare Dutter [as Dare] (signed)
- Pencils
- Dare Dutter [as Dare] (signed)
- Inks
- Dare Dutter [as Dare] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Now that I'm forgiven dear...will it matter very much if the baby's sort of on the dark side?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- Dare Dutter [as Dare] (signed)
- Pencils
- Dare Dutter [as Dare] (signed)
- Inks
- Dare Dutter [as Dare] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Well, this certainly beats washing dishes to pay off a tab!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'll bet you don't act so stand-offish when you're with your husband!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Darling, would it upset you too much if we started swapping?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'm sorry, son...even with a license, the law wouldn't let me perform the ceremony.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- All this, and money too...?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Hallowe'en or not, I say that kid's too old for Trick or Treat!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- You have what we call an interiority complex, Miss.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- It's sweet of you, Miss...my wife gets such a kick out of these convention souvenirs.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I simply won't have the fellows calling my wife a dirty whore, Sheila!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- Deacon Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- A music teacher in Debuque wants to know what kind of horn you're handling.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- Deacon Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Ask Madame which of the girls is taking charity cases today.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- Earl Engleman (signed)
- Pencils
- Earl Engleman (signed)
- Inks
- Earl Engleman (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I hope you're not one of those grooms who faints when he doesn't see blood...
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Your frat pin? Gee, for these, most of my dates expect more than just a simple screw...
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- Al Ellis [as AE] (signed)
- Pencils
- Al Ellis [as AE] (signed)
- Inks
- Al Ellis [as AE] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'm going to miss all this next week, when you're married...
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- But the doctor says it might make me miscarry, and I've already mailed out our wedding invitations!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- Arnold Francho [as Francho] (signed)
- Pencils
- Arnold Francho [as Francho] (signed)
- Inks
- Arnold Francho [as Francho] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Listen, kid...while I entertain the boss' wife, you run and get my panties off his desk.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- John McLachlan [as Johnny Mac] (signed)
- Pencils
- John McLachlan [as Johnny Mac] (signed)
- Inks
- John McLachlan [as Johnny Mac] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Sure as my name is Finger Hocheim, historians will garble this tale...
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- Dick Lucas [as diluc] (signed)
- Pencils
- Dick Lucas [as diluc] (signed)
- Inks
- Dick Lucas [as diluc] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Mr. Gilhooley, please hurry...George and your wife have almost finished.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- Dare Dutter [as Dare] (signed)
- Pencils
- Dare Dutter [as Dare] (signed)
- Inks
- Dare Dutter [as Dare] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- What do you want me to do, Dear...let your little brother grow up fruity?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Why should you be embarrassed? Everybody knows it isn't yours!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- Earl Engleman (signed)
- Pencils
- Earl Engleman (signed)
- Inks
- Earl Engleman (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Copter to tower...I'm landing on a roof for some in-depth reconnaisance...
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- Dare Dutter [as Dare] (signed)
- Pencils
- Dare Dutter [as Dare] (signed)
- Inks
- Dare Dutter [as Dare] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Well, Janet, your kid brother ain't a virgin no more!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- You're in for a long stretch if you don't co-operate, Miss.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Ha, ha, ha, smarty! Teacher gave me a great big one!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- And when I tried to tell Lennie I stretched it on a polish dill pickle, he threw me out because it wasn't kosher!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Thanks for bringing my daughter home on time...now I'll give you just thirty more seconds to let go of my wife!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Well, well...just what the doctor ordered!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- He used that same ole line, 'Oh please Miss Snitz, just one more stroke'...
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'm the new Service Station Game here...I come, with every fillup.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- It's nothing serious...honeymooning with an old maid, you were bound to accumulate some candle wax.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Why yes... now that you mention it... that paper in the Ladies Room IS kinda rough.
- Genre
- humor
Rejoice, lovely maiden. The Great White God will honor you tomorrow night.
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Now that we're married, let me show you some positions my paying customers like.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Sorry I can't help you, Mister, but you know how this town is about the Blue Sunday Closing Laws.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Whatever you're selling, I'll take two!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I hate to rush you thru the 'Full Service' like this, Miss Snitz, but we close the bank at 2:30.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Careful, Tex...she'll GON you down!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- What good's a dime for hot coffee, when I need somebody to blow it?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- When you gonna let Mugmba put another bone in your hair?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- My client refuses to lie, but you should see what she does kneeling.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones [as Deac] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- She et you tu, eh, Brutus?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones [as Deacon] (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Well, if you're my bride, who'sh thish dame I brought home from the reception?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.25 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Jack Flynn (signed)
- Inks
- Jack Flynn (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- The catalog said you'd deliver a well-rooted shrub...I never dreamed you'd plant it!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Richard Riley (signed)
- Inks
- Richard Riley (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Don't feel bad, Sis. When I get bigger, I'll let you have mine.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- No, no, Miss... I said I was looking for the 'EZ-Way Inn'... That's a hotel!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Don't bother to finish undressing, Boss. I just bet the other girls in the office I'd find out how long it was...
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Richard Riley (signed as Riley)
- Inks
- Richard Riley (signed as Riley)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'm a Sunday golfer, but I get in a few holes during the week.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Bob Tupper (signed)
- Inks
- Bob Tupper (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Dumkopf!... this ain't no milk bar!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- This is neat... meeting another one-legged couple that lies to switch!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- George Proot (signed as Proot)
- Inks
- George Proot (signed as Proot)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Simmer down, Beck, it's a bad case of protruding navel!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I don't see the astronauts, but there's a couple going around the world.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Richard Riley (signed)
- Inks
- Richard Riley (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Now where do I find an officer to help me enforce it?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Isn't you husband asking why you switched the kid to a bottle Diane...?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I don't know what you've got, but I want some of it, too...
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Peter Wyma (signed as Wyma)
- Inks
- Peter Wyma (signed as Wyma)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Evil spirit must be ready to come out of me, Doctor...I feel it rising now.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- You don't know how good meat can be, til you've tried Sloppy Joe's!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Ten bucks? But that's twice as much as your mother charges!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I brought your daughter home, safe and sound...except for one little tiny piece that don't even show...
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- That's a good question, Mom...and what were you doing under the lodger's bed when you saw us?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Jackie Moore (signed)
- Inks
- Jackie Moore (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Things are different on the farm, Mom. He's up at the crack of dawn, milking...
- Genre
- humor
Indexer Notes
Jackie Moore is not listed inside the front cover as one of the cartoonists in this issue.
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Then Daddy said 'Of course, it's safe...how could a girl your age be a grandmother'?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Bob Tupper (signed)
- Inks
- Bob Tupper (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- And now for my after-dinner surprise...you're not getting any!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones (signed as Deacon)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones (signed as Deacon)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Last week I caught my Head Eunuch at the transplant bootlegger's!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Bob Tupper (signed as Tup)
- Inks
- Bob Tupper (signed as Tup)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Now do you believe I'm a Jals Gal?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Peter Wyma (signed as Wyma)
- Inks
- Peter Wyma (signed as Wyma)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Don't you ever get seasick, going back to the ship with a full stomach?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Well, of course it is...how else could you tell I was a man, silly?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Gosh, Doc, I thought you only told women about birth control.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- The milkman says to tell you he'll be late today. He's filling a special order.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Richard Riley (signed as Riley)
- Inks
- Richard Riley (signed as Riley)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I've come to discuss your complaint about those suggestive circulars you got.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Bob Tupper (signed)
- Inks
- Bob Tupper (signed)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Mind if I slip out for a while? When we were cutting the cake, I promised to give Ted Trogdon a piece.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Richard Riley (signed as Riley)
- Inks
- Richard Riley (signed as Riley)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Gosh, that was fun, Mr. Ward. I never dated a CPA before!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Richard Riley (signed as Riley)
- Inks
- Richard Riley (signed as Riley)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'm awfully busy right now, hon...can't Maternity Hospital send you and the baby home in a cab?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Bob Tupper (signed as Bobby Tupper)
- Inks
- Bob Tupper (signed as Bobby Tupper)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Would you like to play in the Gravy Bowl?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- It's what's left of Mr. Smithers. I think you overdid those kidney pills.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I was already knocked up when you put me in this...our baby's three years overdue.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones (signed as Deacon)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones (signed as Deacon)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- If that was anybody but Gilson, I'd swear he had it made!
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.25 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Deacon Sematones (signed as Deacon)
- Inks
- Deacon Sematones (signed as Deacon)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Welcome home, Sam! I was just playing your wife my new Sex-to-Sexty record.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- No seconds...I promised your wife I'd make you save her a little.
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.25 page
- Script
- ?
- Pencils
- Bill Wenzel (signed as Wenzel)
- Inks
- Bill Wenzel (signed as Wenzel)
- Letters
- typeset
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Tornado or not, didn't I tell you the whole world sucks?
- Genre
- humor
[no title indexed]
cartoon / 0.2 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Darling! You had it engraved!
- Genre
- humor
in Editing
Related Scans
Series Information
Table of Contents
-
0.
Early American
-
1.
[Totem Pole]
-
2.
["Whattya mean, 'what's my wife's name?' Let's not drag her into this!"]
-
3.
["If YOUR wife had a hole like mine, you wouldn't go out to play golf, either!"]
-
4.
["Well, the first time you smelled garlic you thought you wouldn't like that, either..."]
-
5.
["Tell Mommy when she's through here, she's got another call to make."]
-
6.
["Daddy, I'm gonna stay over at Aunt Martha's and chew the fat for a while..."]
-
7.
["Ha! And they said they'd never be able to replace violence on these Saturday morning kiddie shows!"]
-
8.
["Poor sterile man... I'd like to make up for what I did... how about YOU using MY wife until the baby comes?"]
-
9.
["Son, you're getting too old to sit on Daddy's lap with your toys."]
-
10.
["As a kid, I was bribed to do the dishes, clean my room, rake the lawn. This is just the next logical step."]
-
11.
["My new little wife's a mite bashful, but she'll friendly up when she gets to know you a few times."]
-
12.
["You'll have to replace me on the jury, your honor... I just remembered where I saw the defendant."]
-
13.
["Yeah, Susie, we was doin' it right... only Momma moves her behind a little bit faster."]
-
14.
["Mom's swap partner came, but he decided not to wait..."]
-
15.
[no title indexed]
-
16.
["Serves you right, for telling my sister to kiss your foot..."]
-
17.
["Remember what we heard about that girl from West Wheeling? She just did it again!"]
-
18.
["I remember now... you were that kid who was always eating in class."]
-
19.
["You may think I'm cheap...but you ain't heard my price yet!"]
-
20.
["This Miami Beach room service is something else!"]
-
21.
["Now everyone will know who the real swingers are."]
-
22.
["Ya better make it good, Mr. Yonson, or I take dat other yob across town..."]
-
23.
["Nobody's ever lost one, and they've sunk plenty."]
-
24.
["Gosh, Mr. Gilson, lots of men your age can't even wiggle their ears any more!"]
-
25.
["On your next lesson, we try it with horses."]
-
26.
["Never mind the electric chair, Warden. He won't be needing it."]
-
27.
["Which one of these interiors do you want me to decorate, Madame?"]
-
28.
["What a funny, prank letter... it's from an obstetrician over in the next county, saying your wife is pregnant..."]
-
29.
["I'm in the stirrups, Doc. Try not to whoa before I giddyup this time."]
-
30.
["That's my new boyfriend. He thinks I'm a V-I-R-G-I-N."]
-
31.
["But you can't picket tomorrow... it's our Swap Night!"]
-
32.
["I'll never swim that close to a Greek's yacht again!"]
-
33.
["The madame gives a refund if you bring back her empties."]
-
34.
["If you're going to work for our company, Mr. Teetz, there's a couple of things you need to know about."]
-
35.
["I know she's your youngest, Esmerelda, but she can't be virgin wool forever!"]
-
36.
["Sure, I've had that many pricks before...but not all at one time!"]
-
37.
["You know, I've got a pretty sweet husband, letting me pick the new manager for our team."]
-
38.
["Does a man beg for water, when they're giving wine away?"]
-
39.
["Wow! Don't tell me you got THAT wart playing with frogs!"]
-
40.
["Thanks, doctor. And I know my husband will thank you, too, for teaching me this."]
-
41.
["No one will interfere...they'll think it's just another mugging!"]
-
42.
["Go on, Pal...the honeymoon's over, and you promised to tell her you weren't a real preacher."]
-
43.
["Oh, no, Nappy! You didn't forget the French letters again!"]
-
44.
["Back in the old days, they didn't allow bananas or fresh corn past the first floor."]
-
45.
["But there's no charge to you, sir. Our airline really takes care of its grounded passengers."]
-
46.
["Why didn't you folks tell me you wanted to go down?"]
-
47.
["At last... I've achieved true functionalism!"]
-
48.
["You were holding my ears to tight... I missed the last 'All Ashore'!"]
-
49.
["Now do you believe I'm just as good as you are!"]
-
50.
["Do I want rubbers? I don't know... are you busy tonight, lady?"]
-
51.
["Run through it one more time, ma'am, and I believe I'll know what to do when Bossie's calf comes."]
-
52.
["It's risin', but it ain't shinin' yet..."]
-
53.
["There's my wife now. Perhaps she'll ask you to stay for supper."]
-
54.
["Maybe he's not one, but every time he passes my window, the PANSIES look up and smile at him."]
-
55.
["Don't go away, Dear... you're NEXT..."]
-
56.
["It's a surprise for my kiddies...try to capture that motherly look."]
-
57.
["Oh, no! I just remembered this is a safe night on my wife's rhythm calendar."]
-
58.
["Cocktail hour's over, Umbago...Throw her in the pot!"]
-
59.
["Says the Madame, "My trade is immense...""]
-
60.
["If you don't like shots there's hormones Miss."]
-
61.
["Sure, you'll get one of those when you're older...I've already had several."]
-
62.
["Honest...I'm tellin' you, Mister...that ain't the way to San Jose!"]
-
63.
["Ha! I knew there was a reason why he started washing his hands without being told!"]
-
64.
["It worked, Chester...I got my wish!"]
-
65.
["Now that you've got my nymphomania down to a reasonable level..."]
-
66.
["My connections with the force are only TITular, sir..."]
-
67.
["What sort of consumer's guide are you printing, Mister?"]
-
68.
["So I said, 'Listen, Peewee, non of my other tricks ever complained about my big mouth before'..."]
-
69.
["Tell me, Cousin Rafe, what is it that makes you so sure these girls will be easy makes?"]
-
70.
["It don't seem right, Big Louie, having your boys do all the dirty work for our wedding night!"]
-
71.
["Did I hear the milkman say a pussy was loose in here?"]
-
72.
["Man, did I ever get surfaced!"]
-
73.
["Because they appeal to my prurient interests, that's why!"]
-
74.
["You were a great swap partner, Mr. LeBlanc. You mean I really don't have to cook your breakfast?"]
-
75.
["I hope my Precious didn't hurt her pretty little head on the foot of the bed last night..."]
-
76.
["Maybe I was supposed to add water to that peppermint douche..."]
-
77.
["You're not being punished... the Queen uses Rhythm, and she does this to all her boyfriends on her unsafe nights."]
-
78.
["Looks like you're fixin' to light my fire!"]
-
79.
["If you're not here by sundown, I'll use the candles."]
-
80.
["If that's not a snake, you're fired!"]
-
81.
["Married or not, you're not sticking me with that thing!"]
-
82.
["Nurse, this is Rodman speaking. How many quarts does Doc want me to leave today?"]
-
83.
["I said 'love, honor and cherish', but I never promised not to laugh!"]
-
84.
["But how will this help you gain inches in your pelvic region?"]
-
85.
["We're in the money, honey...I got the whole thing down on sound film!"]
-
86.
["Why yes, Miss Glotz...we Volkswagen owners do have our engines in the rear."]
-
87.
["Talk about inflation...the grocer gets more for meat than I do!"]
-
88.
["I finally talked her into letting me go bowling...but now I don't have the strength!"]
-
89.
["They told me you painted, but I didn't know you were an interior decorator, too!"]
-
90.
["I've stood here for three hours now, and I still can't figure out what they're selling."]
-
91.
["Your bride is over here, you dumkopf...didn't anyone ever tell you, you're supposed to use the middle hole?"]
-
92.
["Didn't my son teach you the code of the hills...when you marry a man, you marry his whole family?"]
-
93.
["Those Sex-to-Sexty cartoons are just for fun, Miss...you'll crack your pelvis trying them all."]
-
94.
["That new automat's sure hard to beat..."]
-
95.
["No, that isn't the French way to spell it...it's not even the French way to do it!"]
-
96.
["Wow! You were right..my motor is in the front!"]
-
97.
["Good heavens, Pederastrus, there's Emperor Nero...I'll never fiddle with him again!"]
-
98.
["For a dollar extra, she holds your balls while you throw."]
-
99.
["The 'Single Parents Club' is great...tomorrow we'll show your kids what it's like to have both a father and a mother..."]
-
100.
["Hello, lawyer McIlhaney? Drop the divorce suit...he says I can keep my lover."]
-
101.
["All right, Doris, one more push and...hey...you're not Doris!"]
-
102.
["No, you don't need a skeleton key. My scullery boy picks chastity belt locks with his teeth."]
-
103.
["Now, Aunt Peggy, I really look like the Big Bad Wolf!"]
-
104.
["But didn't the doctor tell you? Your rabbit test was negative..."]
-
105.
["A true sportsman doesn't shoot more than he can eat."]
-
106.
["If our taxes pay his salary, we're entitled to watch him work!"]
-
107.
["I couldn't turn him down, dear...that would be mutiny!"]
-
108.
["Buddy, I'm sure glad that psychiatrist cursed us of our childish sibling rivalry!"]
-
109.
["The pawnbroker wouldn't take your watch, dear, but I had something else he wanted."]
-
110.
["No, Fred, so far he hasn't done anything you didn't do."]
-
111.
["I should've listened to Mother when she said 'Don't be the only single guy at a gang bang'."]
-
112.
["The next test is essential, if you're buying one for your honeymoon..."]
-
113.
["You can save me later, Sister...if tonight you see that I get spent!"]
-
114.
["Gosh, Mom, you mean I have to...but that's what I got married so I could quit doing!"]
-
115.
["Is this where Stinkfing...er, Susie Smith lives?"]
-
116.
["I like it when I can stare a broad right in the eye..."]
-
117.
["Sometimes I get the feeling I'm completely boxed in..."]
-
118.
["I believe you're right, Maizie. He is a little shorter than your first husband."]
-
119.
["You wanta duck, Fick?"]
-
120.
["Of course, I'm not a Lesbian, silly...I'm her replacement on the three o'clock shift."]
-
121.
["I always did say your monkey was just begging for it..."]
-
122.
["Mums need me to do her garden this weekend, so you can take this along on your trip."]
-
123.
["But five inches was enough for your granny, Elly Lou..."]
-
124.
["Technically, we should only pay for the first two...but I'd be a pretty poor father to let my own babies go hungry."]
-
125.
["Don't be upset, Eve. We'll find a nice warm cave and bury that old snake."]
-
126.
["Please, Robert, I'm not in the mood for four-play!"]
-
127.
["Why, yes, Cynthia...as a matter of fact, I do always take off my hat to a lady..."]
-
128.
["Good news, men...we've found Pierre!"]
-
129.
["Go slow on the turbulence, Captain...it's my first time as Stewardess."]
-
130.
["Nibble, schmibble...give me something I can sink my teeth into!"]
-
131.
["You should have been here. Old Yogi really put his foot in it this time."]
-
132.
["Welcome, folks, to this uncensored version of the 'Dating Game'!"]
-
133.
["No! It was bad enough, having to kiss all the privates at our wedding reception!"]
-
134.
["My wife, Lesbia, sent me down to borrow a cup of cream."]
-
135.
["The vertical elastic crotch opening gives your man that little 'squeeze' we older girls are missing."]
-
136.
["Gosh, are you sure I'll drown if you take it out?"]
-
137.
["What's the difference, who goes first...neither of us is gonna get what she really wants!"]
-
138.
["If you ask me, Sappho, this is a hell of a place to write a poem!"]
-
139.
["Dear, do you think we'll ever be able to afford a cow, like the other dairies?"]
-
140.
["Excuse me, Vicki, I thought this was Thursday"]
-
141.
["That scented rose ain't the only thing that smells..."]
-
142.
["You're a dirty old man! Want me to give you a bath?"]
-
143.
["Oh, wow! Ellie Mae, I thought that knot hole was softer than usual!"]
-
144.
["I know now why folks get the jitters..."]
-
145.
["What would you have me teach the young lady to blow?"]
-
146.
["You certainly know how to dress for a blind date, Miss Farb!"]
-
147.
["I'll just pour a little of this on my lap, so no one will notice what else happened..."]
-
148.
["Hope you don't mind the glasses. I always read myself to sleep..."]
-
149.
["If those Yanks keep sending new troops, I'll run out of plastic cherries..."]
-
150.
["But, Dr. Flynn, shouldn't we wait until I get out of traction?"]
-
151.
["Where are you Galahad? Your fire breathing dragon is home from PTA!"]
-
152.
["Once again, all...I believe I can choose a wife better the second time around..."]
-
153.
["Hurry it up, Joe...they're serving Boston Butt in the cafeteria today!"]
-
154.
["Introducing 'Cool Job' Grogan, his organ and guitar."]
-
155.
["And now here's that great big furry pussy I promised to show you!"]
-
156.
["Hold the ladder, stupid! You want her to fall and miscarry?"]
-
157.
["Gosh, Mr. Manning, do you and your son do everything together?"]
-
158.
["Sorry you had to wait, but I got hung up at the Kennel Club."]
-
159.
["Unlax, Sweetiepuss...you're almost as cold as my wife!"]
-
160.
["Well, you asked me to help you get your rocks off."]
-
161.
["And I say you could've kept the kid from kicking until after the minister finished!"]
-
162.
["Don't be absurd, Charles...lots of nice girls carry rubbers in their purses."]
-
163.
["They told me in Philadelphia you Main Line girls were different."]
-
164.
["How much farther do you live, Mister? Us New York streetwalkers charge by the block,you know."]
-
165.
["But I thought they all had three holes..."]
-
166.
["Does this mean you two won't be wanting your prune Danish today?"]
-
167.
["So what if they are silicone? Am I charging you fifty smackers for a piece of tit?"]
-
168.
["There's the channel I want..."]
-
169.
["If this were a modern movie, we'd get desperate and go for each other soon..."]
-
170.
["Please try them, dear. You know how that latex affects my prickly heat..."]
-
171.
["How do you like my foot in the door routine?"]
-
172.
["The Volkswagen was tough enough, but this one had bucket seats!"]
-
173.
["Now there's a piece that knocked us off!"]
-
174.
["Now that I'm forgiven dear...will it matter very much if the baby's sort of on the dark side?"]
-
175.
["Well, this certainly beats washing dishes to pay off a tab!"]
-
176.
["I'll bet you don't act so stand-offish when you're with your husband!"]
-
177.
["Darling, would it upset you too much if we started swapping?"]
-
178.
["I'm sorry, son...even with a license, the law wouldn't let me perform the ceremony."]
-
179.
["All this, and money too...?"]
-
180.
["Hallowe'en or not, I say that kid's too old for Trick or Treat!"]
-
181.
["You have what we call an interiority complex, Miss."]
-
182.
["It's sweet of you, Miss...my wife gets such a kick out of these convention souvenirs."]
-
183.
["I simply won't have the fellows calling my wife a dirty whore, Sheila!"]
-
184.
["A music teacher in Debuque wants to know what kind of horn you're handling."]
-
185.
["Ask Madame which of the girls is taking charity cases today."]
-
186.
["I hope you're not one of those grooms who faints when he doesn't see blood..."]
-
187.
["Your frat pin? Gee, for these, most of my dates expect more than just a simple screw..."]
-
188.
["I'm going to miss all this next week, when you're married..."]
-
189.
["But the doctor says it might make me miscarry, and I've already mailed out our wedding invitations!"]
-
190.
["Listen, kid...while I entertain the boss' wife, you run and get my panties off his desk."]
-
191.
["Sure as my name is Finger Hocheim, historians will garble this tale..."]
-
192.
["Mr. Gilhooley, please hurry...George and your wife have almost finished."]
-
193.
["What do you want me to do, Dear...let your little brother grow up fruity?"]
-
194.
["Why should you be embarrassed? Everybody knows it isn't yours!"]
-
195.
["Copter to tower...I'm landing on a roof for some in-depth reconnaisance..."]
-
196.
["Well, Janet, your kid brother ain't a virgin no more!"]
-
197.
["You're in for a long stretch if you don't co-operate, Miss."]
-
198.
["Ha, ha, ha, smarty! Teacher gave me a great big one!"]
-
199.
["And when I tried to tell Lennie I stretched it on a polish dill pickle, he threw me out because it wasn't kosher!"]
-
200.
["Thanks for bringing my daughter home on time...now I'll give you just thirty more seconds to let go of my wife!"]
-
201.
["Well, well...just what the doctor ordered!"]
-
202.
["He used that same ole line, 'Oh please Miss Snitz, just one more stroke'..."]
-
203.
["I'm the new Service Station Game here...I come, with every fillup."]
-
204.
["It's nothing serious...honeymooning with an old maid, you were bound to accumulate some candle wax."]
-
205.
["Why yes... now that you mention it... that paper in the Ladies Room IS kinda rough."]
-
206.
Rejoice, lovely maiden. The Great White God will honor you tomorrow night.
-
207.
["Now that we're married, let me show you some positions my paying customers like."]
-
208.
["Sorry I can't help you, Mister, but you know how this town is about the Blue Sunday Closing Laws."]
-
209.
["Whatever you're selling, I'll take two!"]
-
210.
["I hate to rush you thru the 'Full Service' like this, Miss Snitz, but we close the bank at 2:30."]
-
211.
["Careful, Tex...she'll GON you down!"]
-
212.
["What good's a dime for hot coffee, when I need somebody to blow it?"]
-
213.
["When you gonna let Mugmba put another bone in your hair?"]
-
214.
["My client refuses to lie, but you should see what she does kneeling."]
-
215.
["She et you tu, eh, Brutus?"]
-
216.
["Well, if you're my bride, who'sh thish dame I brought home from the reception?"]
-
217.
["The catalog said you'd deliver a well-rooted shrub...I never dreamed you'd plant it!"]
-
218.
["Don't feel bad, Sis. When I get bigger, I'll let you have mine."]
-
219.
["No, no, Miss... I said I was looking for the 'EZ-Way Inn'... That's a hotel!"]
-
220.
["Don't bother to finish undressing, Boss. I just bet the other girls in the office I'd find out how long it was..."]
-
221.
["I'm a Sunday golfer, but I get in a few holes during the week."]
-
222.
["Dumkopf!... this ain't no milk bar!"]
-
223.
["This is neat... meeting another one-legged couple that lies to switch!"]
-
224.
["Simmer down, Beck, it's a bad case of protruding navel!"]
-
225.
["I don't see the astronauts, but there's a couple going around the world."]
-
226.
["Now where do I find an officer to help me enforce it?"]
-
227.
["Isn't you husband asking why you switched the kid to a bottle Diane...?"]
-
228.
["I don't know what you've got, but I want some of it, too..."]
-
229.
["Evil spirit must be ready to come out of me, Doctor...I feel it rising now."]
-
230.
["You don't know how good meat can be, til you've tried Sloppy Joe's!"]
-
231.
["Ten bucks? But that's twice as much as your mother charges!"]
-
232.
["I brought your daughter home, safe and sound...except for one little tiny piece that don't even show..."]
-
233.
["That's a good question, Mom...and what were you doing under the lodger's bed when you saw us?"]
-
234.
["Things are different on the farm, Mom. He's up at the crack of dawn, milking..."]
-
235.
["Then Daddy said 'Of course, it's safe...how could a girl your age be a grandmother'?"]
-
236.
["And now for my after-dinner surprise...you're not getting any!"]
-
237.
["Last week I caught my Head Eunuch at the transplant bootlegger's!"]
-
238.
["Now do you believe I'm a Jals Gal?"]
-
239.
["Don't you ever get seasick, going back to the ship with a full stomach?"]
-
240.
["Well, of course it is...how else could you tell I was a man, silly?"]
-
241.
["Gosh, Doc, I thought you only told women about birth control."]
-
242.
["The milkman says to tell you he'll be late today. He's filling a special order."]
-
243.
["I've come to discuss your complaint about those suggestive circulars you got."]
-
244.
["Mind if I slip out for a while? When we were cutting the cake, I promised to give Ted Trogdon a piece."]
-
245.
["Gosh, that was fun, Mr. Ward. I never dated a CPA before!"]
-
246.
["I'm awfully busy right now, hon...can't Maternity Hospital send you and the baby home in a cab?"]
-
247.
["Would you like to play in the Gravy Bowl?"]
-
248.
["It's what's left of Mr. Smithers. I think you overdid those kidney pills."]
-
249.
["I was already knocked up when you put me in this...our baby's three years overdue."]
-
250.
["If that was anybody but Gilson, I'd swear he had it made!"]
-
251.
["Welcome home, Sam! I was just playing your wife my new Sex-to-Sexty record."]
-
252.
["No seconds...I promised your wife I'd make you save her a little."]
-
253.
["Tornado or not, didn't I tell you the whole world sucks?"]
-
254.
["Darling! You had it engraved!"]
-
255.
["You'll have to forgive my dad...he's always a little shy around preachers."]
This issue was modified by, among others
- Mike Nielsen
- Ramon Schenk
- Chad Wicker
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copyrighted by the GCD and are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License (CC BY-SA 4.0). This includes but is not necessarily limited to our database schema and data distribution format.