Mad #509
(June 2011)

EC, 1952 Series
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Price
5.99 USD
Pages
60
Indicia Frequency
6 times a year
Indicia / Colophon Publisher
E.C. Publications, Inc.
Barcode
074470332305 06
Editing
John Ficarra; Dave Croatto (Associate Editor)
Color
color (#1-23, 400-550); color cover with black & white interior (#24-399)
Dimensions
standard Golden Age US (#1-23); magazine size (#24 onward)
Paper Stock
glossy cover
Binding
saddle-stitched
Publishing Format
Was Ongoing Series

The 50 Worst Things About Facebook (Table of Contents)

Alfred E. Neuman / cover / 1 page (report information)

Pencils
Mark Fredrickson
Inks
Mark Fredrickson
Colors
?
Letters
typeset

Genre
humor
Characters
Alfred E. Neuman; Mark Zuckerberg
Synopsis
Alfred demonstrates #26 on the list: Friend requests from idiots.

An Incredible, Spectacular Offer For NEW Subscribers Only! (Table of Contents: 1) (Expand) /

MAD Magazine / promo (ad from the publisher) / 1 page (report information)

Departments (Table of Contents: 2)

It's The List We Can Do Department / table of contents / 1 page (report information)

Script
?
Pencils
various (see Notes)
Inks
various (see Notes)
Colors
?
Letters
typeset

Characters
Alfred E. Neuman; Col. Mummar el-Qaddafi; White Spy; General Greivous

Indexer Notes

The feature "A Hardened Dictator Department" is phony and does not actually appear in the issue.
Art is from various articles in this issue.

Random Samplings of Reader Mail (Table of Contents: 3)

Letters And Tomatoes Dept. / letters page / 2.25 pages (report information)

Script
John Ficara; Gabe Christensen; Lizzie Renaud; Cameron Hallett; Garry Powell; Holden Zuschlag; Sierra Rush
Pencils
Lizzie Renaud (tattoo); Steve Potter; ? (photo)
Inks
Lizzie Renaud (tattoo); Steve Potter; ? (photo)
Colors
?; ? (photo)
Letters
typeset

Characters
Alfred E. Neuman; Scott McCreery; Holden Zuschlag; Tom Richmond; Rich Sommer; Black Spy; White Spy
Synopsis
Letters, photos and fan art, including an Alfred E. Neuman tattoo and tweets about the last issue.

Spy Vs Spy Gear & Gifts (Table of Contents: 4) (Expand) /

Spy Museum Store / advertisement / 0.5 page (report information)

[no title indexed] (Table of Contents: 5)

credits, title page / 0.25 page (report information)

Script
?
Letters
typeset

Genre
non-fiction

Indexer Notes

on bottom of page 3 of letters pages

$#*! My Son Says (Table of Contents: 6)

See B.S. Department / cartoon / 1 page (report information)

Script
Jeff Kruse
Pencils
Associated Press (photo)
Inks
Associated Press (photo)
Colors
Associated Press (photo)
Letters
typeset

Genre
satire-parody
Characters
Charlie Sheen; Martin Sheen
Synopsis
Phony ad for television series, parody of "$#*! My Father Says."

The Fundalini Pages (Table of Contents: 7)

Random Acts of Mindless Department; The Stupid Six; Latest Classified Ads; Angry / Angrier / Angriest Birds; Superhero Origins Gone Wrong!; Leg of Lambert; This Bland Is Your Bland; Monkeys Are Always Funny; Gimme A Flake; Pull My Cheney / comic story / 5 pages (report information)

Script
Jeff Kruse; Sergio Aragones; Scott Maiko; Jacob Lambert; Desmond Devlin; Kenny Keil; Tom Bland; Emily Flake; Tom Cheney; John Caldwell
Pencils
Sergio Aragones; Tom Bunk; Jacob Lambert; Mort Drucker; Kenny Keil; Tom Bland; Emily Flake; Tom Cheney; John Caldwell; Chris Houghton; Sam Viviano; Charles Akins; Rick Tukla; ? (photo)
Inks
Sergio Aragones; Tom Bunk; Jacob Lambert; Mort Drucker; Kenny Keil; Tom Bland; Emily Flake; Tom Cheney; John Caldwell; Chris Houghton; Sam Viviano; Charles Akins; Rick Tukla; ? (photo)
Colors
?
Letters
typeset; Tom Cheney; Emily Flake; Jacob Lambert

Genre
humor; satire-parody
Characters
Betty White; Alex Rodriguez; Angry Birds; Kieth Olbermann; Kal-El; Jor-El; Lara; Johnathon Kent; Martha Kent; Bruce Wayne; Green Lantern [Abin Sur]; Hal Jordan; Barry Allen; Bill O'Reilly; Ted Williams; John Boehner
Synopsis
Various short satires of pop culture.

Indexer Notes

Additional features are: Surprises To Watch For...; Surprising Proposals In The NFL Labor Talks; Celebrity Cause-of-Death Betting Odds; Ted Williams Vs. Ted Williams; Reasons For That "Mature" ESRB Rating; Spotlight On American Universities; Signs You Haven't Actually Discovered A Lost Amazon Tribe; What's Making John Boehner Cry This Week?

MAD Libyan (Table of Contents: 8)

A MAD Ad Parody; Funny Or Diatribe Department / comic story / 1 page (report information)

Script
?
Pencils
?
Inks
?
Colors
?
Letters
typeset

Genre
satire-parody
Characters
Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi
Synopsis
parody of Mad Libs puzzle books

Muddled Family (Table of Contents: 9)

Relatives' Stupidity Department / comic story / 6 pages (report information)

Script
Arnie Kogen
Pencils
Tom Richmond
Inks
Tom Richmond
Colors
?
Letters
typeset

Genre
satire-parody
Characters
Jake; Glorius; Phizz; Clairoil; Twitchell; Cramp; Lolly; Hadley; Mango; Lute; Alox
Synopsis
Parody of TV show Modern Family.

Kanye West's Most Moronic Tweets (Table of Contents: 10)

Characters Flawed Department / text article / 2 pages (report information)

Script
Jacob Lambert
Pencils
Sam Sisco
Inks
Sam Sisco
Colors
?
Letters
typeset

Genre
satire-parody
Characters
Kanye West
Synopsis
phony Tweets

Indexer Notes

one illustration

Subscribe To MAD And Own A Piece of MAD History! (Table of Contents: 11) (Expand) /

MAD Magazine / promo (ad from the publisher) / 1 page (report information)

The Strip Club (Table of Contents: 12)

Pen And Stink Dept.; Just Below The Surface; It Only Hurts When I Laugh; The Truth Flirts; Coombs & Coombs; Good Enough!; Twisted Toaster Tales / comic story / 4 pages (report information)

Script
Vic Black; Douglas Paszkiewicz; Jason Coates; Pete Tamburino; Nate Fakes; Christopher Baldwin
Pencils
Vic Black; Douglas Paszkiewicz; Jason Coates; Pete Tamburino; Nate Fakes; Christopher Baldwin
Inks
?
Colors
?
Letters
typeset; Pete Tamburino; Nate Fakes; Christopher Baldwin

Genre
humor
Synopsis
A collection of comic strips.

Thank You For Screwing Us (Table of Contents: 13)

Filler-Busted Department / text article / 1 page (report information)

Script
Dick DeBartolo
Colors
?
Letters
typeset

Genre
satire-parody
Synopsis
Phony open letter from Taco Bull about the small percentage of beef in their tacos.

Indexer Notes

Based on discovery that Taco Bell restaurants use less than 100% beef.

Signs That Your Hypochondria Is Out Of Control (Table of Contents: 14)

The Sick Sense Department / comic story / 2 pages (report information)

Script
Teresa Burns Parkhurst
Pencils
Teresa Burns Parkhurst
Inks
Teresa Burns Parkhurst
Colors
?
Letters
Teresa Burns Parkhurst

Genre
humor
Synopsis
Examples of extreme hypochondria.

Planet Tad!!!!! (Table of Contents: 15)

In Blog We Trust Department / text article / 2 pages (report information)

Script
Tim Carvell
Pencils
Brian Durniak
Inks
Brian Durniak
Colors
?
Letters
typeset

Genre
humor
Synopsis
Tad discusses relates the problems that followed when he and his friend Chuck traded names in a class with a substitute teacher.

MAD's Thor-oughly Stupid Thor Outtakes (Table of Contents: 16)

Beating A Dead Norse Department / comic story / 2 pages (report information)

Script
?
Pencils
? (photo)
Inks
? (photo)
Colors
? (photo)
Letters
typeset

Genre
humor
Characters
Thor
Synopsis
Stills from the movie "Thor" with fake dialog.
Reprints

MAD's 11 Little-Known, Practical, Real Life Uses for Ballet (Table of Contents: 17)

The Plie's The Thing Department / comic story / 2 pages (report information)

Script
Mike Craig
Pencils
Jack Syracuse
Inks
Jack Syracuse
Colors
?
Letters
typeset

Genre
humor
Synopsis
Demonstrating how ballet moves can get you out of many a jam.
Reprints

Spy vs. Spy (Table of Contents: 18)

Joke And Dagger Dept. / comic story / 2 pages (report information)

Script
Peter Kuper (signed)
Pencils
Peter Kuper (signed)
Inks
Peter Kuper (signed)
Colors
?

Genre
humor; spy
Characters
Black Spy; White Spy
Synopsis
In the first story, the Black Spy becomes paranoid of the White Spy after reading Wikileaks, but fails to discover the plot against him. In the second story, the White Spy succumbs to a window rigged by the Black Spy.

Indexer Notes

2 stories.

Don Martin Beats The High Cost Of Gasoline (Table of Contents: 19)

The MAD Vault; The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Lame Dept. / comic story / 3 pages (report information)

Script
Don Martin (signed)
Pencils
Don Martin (signed)
Inks
Don Martin (signed)

Genre
humor
Synopsis
Some improbable list of ways to travel without gasoline are demonstrated.
Reprints

Dancing With The Star Wars (Table of Contents: 20)

R2-D2-Step Department / comic story / 4 pages (report information)

Script
Dave Croatto
Pencils
Hermann Mejia
Inks
Hermann Mejia
Colors
?
Letters
typeset

Genre
satire-parody
Characters
Tom Bergeron; Brooke Burke; Darth Vader; Stormtrooper; Wicket; Jabba The Hutt; Boba Fett; Darth Maul; Greedo; Han Solo; General Grievous; Luke Skywalker; Obi-Wan Kenobi; Jawas; Yoda; Chewbacca; C3PO; Jar Jar Binks; Mace Windu; William Shatner; Alfred E. Neuman; James T. Kirk; Spock
Synopsis
Parody of TV show "Dancing With The Stars", using Star Wars Characters.
Reprints

Indexer Notes

Ends with a preview of "Dancing With The Star Trek", which pays homage to the cover of MAD #186.

Sheen It? (Table of Contents: 21)

Porn Family Game Night Department / comic story / 1 page (report information)

Script
?
Pencils
Associated Press (photo); Leakeem / Dreamstime.com (background photo)
Inks
Associated Press (photo); Leakeem / Dreamstime.com (background photo)
Colors
Associated Press (photo); Leakeem / Dreamstime.com (background photo)
Letters
typeset

Genre
satire-parody
Characters
Charlie Sheen
Synopsis
Parody of the game Scene It?, using questions about Charlie Sheen.

Things You Don't Want To Hear From A Marriage Counselor (Table of Contents: 22)

Split Happens Department / comic story / 2 pages (report information)

Script
Jeff Kruse
Pencils
Evan Dorkin; Sarah Dyer
Inks
Evan Dorkin; Sarah Dyer
Colors
?
Letters
typeset

Genre
humor
Synopsis
Statements that show you have a horrible counselor.

A MAD Look At Hoarders (Table of Contents: 23)

Serge-In General Dept. / comic story / 4 pages (report information)

Script
Sergio Aragones
Pencils
Sergio Aragones
Inks
Sergio Aragones
Colors
Tom Luth

Genre
humor
Synopsis
Extreme hoarding and how being on TV changes the hoarders.

Similarities & Differences Between The Spider-Man Musical And The War In Afghanistan (Table of Contents: 24)

Theatres Of The Absurd Department / text article / 1 page (report information)

Script
?
Pencils
Ward Sutton
Inks
Ward Sutton
Colors
?
Letters
typeset

Genre
humor
Characters
Spider-Man; US soldier
Synopsis
A list of attributes shared (or not) between the musical and the war.
Reprints

The 50 Worst Things About Facebook (Table of Contents: 25)

Zuckerberg's-Eye View Department / text article / 5 pages (report information)

Script
Charlie Kadau; Jason Katzenstein; Joe Masterman; Jason Salas
Pencils
Bob Staake
Inks
Bob Staake
Colors
?
Letters
typeset

Genre
satire-parody
Characters
Mark Zuckerberg
Synopsis
A list of things wrong with Facebook, presented as if they appear on a Facebook page.
Reprints

One Fine Day On Main Street (Table of Contents: 26)

Underage Thinking Department / comic story / 1 page (report information)

Script
Michael Gallagher
Pencils
Paul Coker
Inks
Paul Coker
Colors
?

Genre
humor
Synopsis
A 18 year kid can't buy liquor at the store, so he robs it.

Where Did Many Young Performers Get Their First Big Break? (Table of Contents: 27)

Mad Fold-In / activity / 1 page (report information)

Script
Al Jaffee (signed)
Pencils
Al Jaffee (signed)
Inks
Al Jaffee (signed)
Colors
?
Letters
typeset

Genre
humor
Characters
Spider-Man
Synopsis
Answer is Spider-Man On Broadway.

Indexer Notes

inside back cover

Escape From Zombieville, USA! (Table of Contents: 28) (Expand) /

The Zombie Chasers / advertisement / 1 page (report information)

Editing
Related Scans
Series Information
Table of Contents
  1. 0. The 50 Worst Things About Facebook
    Alfred E. Neuman
  2. 1. An Incredible, Spectacular Offer For NEW Subscribers Only!
    MAD Magazine
  3. 2. Departments
    It's The List We Can Do Department
  4. 3. Random Samplings of Reader Mail
    Letters And Tomatoes Dept.
  5. 4. Spy Vs Spy Gear & Gifts
    Spy Museum Store
  6. 5. [no title indexed]
  7. 6. $#*! My Son Says
    See B.S. Department
  8. 7. The Fundalini Pages
    Random Acts of Mindless Department; The Stupid Six; Latest Classified Ads; Angry / Angrier / Angriest Birds; Superhero Origins Gone Wrong!; Leg of Lambert; This Bland Is Your Bland; Monkeys Are Always Funny; Gimme A Flake; Pull My Cheney
  9. 8. MAD Libyan
    A MAD Ad Parody; Funny Or Diatribe Department
  10. 9. Muddled Family
    Relatives' Stupidity Department
  11. 10. Kanye West's Most Moronic Tweets
    Characters Flawed Department
  12. 11. Subscribe To MAD And Own A Piece of MAD History!
    MAD Magazine
  13. 12. The Strip Club
    Pen And Stink Dept.; Just Below The Surface; It Only Hurts When I Laugh; The Truth Flirts; Coombs & Coombs; Good Enough!; Twisted Toaster Tales
  14. 13. Thank You For Screwing Us
    Filler-Busted Department
  15. 14. Signs That Your Hypochondria Is Out Of Control
    The Sick Sense Department
  16. 15. Planet Tad!!!!!
    In Blog We Trust Department
  17. 16. MAD's Thor-oughly Stupid Thor Outtakes
    Beating A Dead Norse Department
  18. 17. MAD's 11 Little-Known, Practical, Real Life Uses for Ballet
    The Plie's The Thing Department
  19. 18. Spy vs. Spy
    Joke And Dagger Dept.
  20. 19. Don Martin Beats The High Cost Of Gasoline
    The MAD Vault; The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Lame Dept.
  21. 20. Dancing With The Star Wars
    R2-D2-Step Department
  22. 21. Sheen It?
    Porn Family Game Night Department
  23. 22. Things You Don't Want To Hear From A Marriage Counselor
    Split Happens Department
  24. 23. A MAD Look At Hoarders
    Serge-In General Dept.
  25. 24. Similarities & Differences Between The Spider-Man Musical And The War In Afghanistan
    Theatres Of The Absurd Department
  26. 25. The 50 Worst Things About Facebook
    Zuckerberg's-Eye View Department
  27. 26. One Fine Day On Main Street
    Underage Thinking Department
  28. 27. Where Did Many Young Performers Get Their First Big Break?
    Mad Fold-In
  29. 28. Escape From Zombieville, USA!
    The Zombie Chasers
This issue was most recently modified by:
  • Donald Dale Milne
  • Mike Nielsen
Issues in this series have been indexed by:
  • Terry Watkins
  • Tony R. Rose
  • Gregory Fischer
  • Karl Wilcox
  • Donald Dale Milne