(1998)
HarperCollins,
1998 Series
Published in English
(United States)
- Price
- 12.95 USD; 19.00 CAD
- Pages
- 292
- Indicia / Colophon Publisher
- HarperCollins Publishers
- Brand
- Harper Perennial
- ISBN
-
0-88730-910-0
- Barcode
- 9780887309106 51295
- Editing
- ?
- Color
- color cover; black and white interior
- Dimensions
- 6" x 8"
- Paper Stock
- cardstock cover; smooth white interior
- Binding
- squarebound
- Publishing Format
- one-shot
The individual issues of this series are each less than 50% comics. Only comics sequences are indexed and cover scans are accepted only if the issue has 10% indexed comics content.
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Nature is so wonderful...
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert and Dogbert talk about the environment and future generations.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (United Feature Syndicate) 19xx-xx-xx
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Who the heck is running this planet??! It's a total disaster!!
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Noriko; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Noriko is wondering who is ruining the world.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1993-06-01
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- You adults have totally messed up the planet!! Where's the accountability??!
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Noriko; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Noriko reminds Dilbert of the implied social contract.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1993-06-02
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Asok, come quickly! It's an emergency!
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Asok; Alice; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Alice pranks Asok.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-03-20
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- From now on, salaries will be based on your predicted success, not your past performance.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Pointy-Haired Boss
- Synopsis
- The Pointy-Haired Boss tells Dilbert about the new salary.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-03-04
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I can predict the future by assuming that money and male hormones are the driving forces for new technology.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert predicts the future.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-10-14
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- It seems almost unnatural for me to have an actual girlfriend.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Liz
- Synopsis
- Dilbert talks to Liz about the unlikelihood of his having a girlfriend.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-07-25
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Hey, little dog, smile. It only takes two muscles!
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert doesn't like being told to smile.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1993-11-18
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Look, Ratbert. An entire computer has been baked into one silicon chip.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Ratbert; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert shows Ratbert a silicon chip.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-01-07
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I want you to interview the new candidate for engineering. Don't reveal any ugly truths.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Dilbert; Jennifer; Wally
- Synopsis
- Dilbert interviews a potential employee.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-03-03
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Uh-oh. A vendor is scanning me.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert is caught by a vendor.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-09-21
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'll give Albert a male bonding shoulder massage to show I'm a team player.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Albert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert tries to give Albert a shoulder massage.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1993-08-21
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Here's your employee locator device.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Pointy-Haired Boss
- Synopsis
- The boss has a tracking device for Dilbert.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (United Feature Syndicate) 1994-02-27
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Wally, you just sent me the same e-mail you sent last week.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Wally
- Synopsis
- Wally is sending out old emails.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-02-15
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- You can create the illusion that you work long hours by leaving voice mails for your boss at 4 a.m.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert tries sending a voice mail at 4 in the morning.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-05-24
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I got myself a little work-avoidance device.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Alice; Wally
- Synopsis
- Wally has a way to avoid working.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-04-27
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I invented a "stealth business suit" to avoid assignments at work today.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert builds a suit to avoid work.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-01-16
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I hate my shirts.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert has to decide what shirt to wear.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-02-26
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- ...but by far, this computer is our most user-friendly.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- A salesman shows Dilbert their new computer.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-03-25
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Can anybody show me what you do with a microwave?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert has a student show what he knows about microwaves.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1993-01-09
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- In an effort to boost sales, laptop computers have been given to every member of the sales force.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Dilbert; Alice; Wally
- Synopsis
- The sales force is given laptop computers to increase sales.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-04-01
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- My company asked all employees to act as salespeople to friends and family.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Mombert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert tries to sell to his mom.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-12-19
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'm going to seek relief from my many woes by sharing them with you.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- A woman tries to share her woe with Dilbert.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-05-07
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- From now on, I'm going to charge anybody who gives me their opinion.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert plans to charge people for forcing him to listen to their opinions.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-09-05
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- My proposed work plan for the year is to stress-test our product under severe network conditions.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Wally; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Wally proposes his work plan to the boss.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (United Feature Syndicate) 1995-07-26
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.5 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I call my invention the D-chip television filter.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert invents a TV show screener.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-06-30
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'm inventing a new technology to prevent kids from seeing smut on the internet.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert doesn't think Dilbert's new invention will work.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-01-23
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Matt, your job is to test my new invention that blocks kids from seeing dirty pictures on the internet.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Alice; Dilbert; Matt
- Synopsis
- Dilbert asks a kid to test his smut-blocking technology.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-01-24
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Government statistics show that office productivity went down as computers became widely used.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Pointy-Haired Boss
- Synopsis
- Dilbert tried to prove that computers caused a productivity drop.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 19xx-xx-xx
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.5 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Thank you all for coming to our engineering quality team meeting.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Alice; Wally
- Synopsis
- Dilbert holds a meeting to find a cause for inefficiency.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-05-01
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.5 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Expand... window
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Wally; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Wally is annoyed that Dilbert has a voice-controlled computer.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-04-24
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Let's go around the table and share our accomplishments.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Dilbert; Wally
- Synopsis
- Dilbert talks about his accomplishment.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-11-20
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I just got our consultant's report.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Wally; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Wally and Dilbert make suggestion about what to do about a problem.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-02-27
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- You haven't heard what the problem is yet; how can you recommend building a database to solve it??
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Wally; Dilbert; Alice
- Synopsis
- The boss wonders how they can solve a problem without hearing what it is.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-02-28
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- What makes these a "value"?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert is selling value priced lottery tickets.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-04-08
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I am drawn by the allure of fabulous wealth and a life of hedonistic delight... one please.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Ratbert; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Ratbert buys one of Dogbert's value priced lottery tickets.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-04-09
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- How to get free energy
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert explains how to get free energy.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (United Feature Syndicate) 19xx-xx-xx
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I recommend standardizing on one type of computer for the office.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Ratbert; Dilbert; Gustav
- Synopsis
- Ratbert recommends one type of computer for the company.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-06-22
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Hold it right there, buddy.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Wally
- Synopsis
- Wally thinks he's spotted a Unix computer user.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-06-24
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I used to write programs using punch cards... but I'd rather be fishing...
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Alice; Wally; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Alice gets annoyed by a man's pointless stories.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-11-16
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- We won the bid to rebuild our nation's air traffic control systems.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Alice; Dilbert; Wally
- Synopsis
- The cubicle workers are excited by their company's latest job.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-01-29
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Wally writes the critical code for our nation's new air traffic control system.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Wally; Dilbert; Alice
- Synopsis
- Wally writes some code.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-01-31
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Thanks to my leadership, the new air traffic control system is designed on time and under budget.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Pointy-Haired Boss
- Synopsis
- Dogbert cut a few corners on the project.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-02-01
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I have too many passwords in my life. What if I forget them?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert tells Dilbert what would happen if he forgot his passwords.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-02-10
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Your ignorance seems to have no limit. Your opinions are idiotic.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Wally
- Synopsis
- Dilbert sends Wally an insulting email.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-01-31
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- My status report is a bit light this week because I'm having an e-mail flame war with Wally.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Wally
- Synopsis
- Dilbert explains why his status report is light.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-02-01
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- The secret to good relationships is to be a huge phony.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Wally; Dogbert; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert teaches interpersonal skills.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-11-27
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Our Elbonian division was the low bidder for launching French satellites into orbit.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert is being sent to Elbonia.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-01-24
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- If I left engineering and became a manager would I be as sexy as I am now, Liz?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Liz
- Synopsis
- Dilbert and Liz discuss his sexiness.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (United Feature Syndicate) 1995-01-19
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Halt and submit to the mind scan of "Brainitor, the guardian of security."
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Brainitor; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Brainitor scans Dilbert.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-06-03
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I tried to fax it but our fax machine is broken.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert is having problems sending a document.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 19xx-xx-xx
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- The less you know, the happier you are.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Ratbert; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Ratbert brags about not knowing anything.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-01-29
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I need a replacement for my company cellular phone.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Pointy-Haired Boss; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert explains what happened to his phone.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 19xx-xx-xx
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- My name is Ratbert. I fear the information superhighway.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Ratbert
- Synopsis
- Ratbert tells of his fear of computers.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-06-12
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- This is Marilyn Vos Savant, the smartest human alive.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Dogbert; Marilyn Vos Savant
- Synopsis
- Dogbert gets the smartest human alive to help Dilbert.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-12-24
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- This bag contains all the mail you've sent me about my "Often Flier" status.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert gets a seat upgrade.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-12-26
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I hired a professional to help us design our product interface.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Pointy-Haired Boss; Sven
- Synopsis
- Dilbert's boss has hired a terrorist to help design a product interface.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-12-26
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- My theory is that a computer interface should hurt the user.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Sven
- Synopsis
- Sven demonstrates some sounds for his interface.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-12-27
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Sure, we could bring some strangers in to test our product for ease of use...
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Sven; Pointy-Haired Boss
- Synopsis
- Sven recommends not bringing in a focus group.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-12-28
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- To configure the software, enter the name of next year's Academy Award winner for Best Actor.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert tries to configure some software.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-10-22
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Quantity... two sided... reduced to 98%... collated... with staple... portrait... two colors... darken... legal size paper...
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert tries programming a copier.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (United Feature Syndicate) 1994-04-25
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- According to this, a technical degree becomes obsolete in five years.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert reads an article about degrees.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-03-05
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Let's start with a brief refresher in macro economics.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert takes a course in macro economics.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-09-01
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I declare my self the patron saint of technology.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert declares himself a patron saint of technology.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-01-31
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Saint Dogbert seeks out technology that has been possessed by the demons of stupidity.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert tries to exercise stupidity from technology.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-02-01
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Do you remember last election day... and how you convinced me to not vote?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert realizes Dogbert tricked him on election day.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-03-04
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- People are getting stupider every day, relatively speaking.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert feels he needs to rule the world.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-08-18
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I oppose putting career criminals in jail for life.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert doesn't think longer jail sentences lower crime.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-07-13
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I synthesized the pheromones that make men and women attracted to each other.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert thinks he's synthesized pheromones.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-01-19
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'm wearing a synthetic pheromone scent that makes me irresistible.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert tries his synthetic pheromone on a date.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-01-20
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Uh... Lisa, I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Lisa
- Synopsis
- Lisa tells Dilbert all he'd have to go through to date her.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 19xx-xx-xx
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'm so lucky to be dating you, Liz.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Liz
- Synopsis
- Dilbert and Liz have different scales for rating each other.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-05-09
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I don't understand why some people wash their bath towels.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Alice; Wally
- Synopsis
- Wally doesn't understand washing bath towels.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (United Feature Syndicate) 1995-11-24
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- What's wrong with you?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Pointy-Haired Boss; Liz; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert meets an attractive woman.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 19xx-xx-xx
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- We've been dating for a year now, Liz.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Liz
- Synopsis
- Dilbert has needs that can't be fulfilled at work.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-11-30
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I think you like that computer more than you like me.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Liz
- Synopsis
- Dilbert does not like the desktop computer more than Liz.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-07-12
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Hey, Matt.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Wally; Matt
- Synopsis
- Matt has two minutes to deliver a big report.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-08-15
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Society will become divided into technology "haves" and "have nots."
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Oog
- Synopsis
- Dogbert predicts society's future.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-10-13
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- If this company won't use our product idea let's quit and start our own business!
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Wally
- Synopsis
- Dilbert and Wally consider starting their own business.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-03-12
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- It has come to my attention that some employees are running side businesses from their cubicles.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- The boss warns Dilbert that he doesn't want to see signs of employees running side businesses in his department.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-03-13
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Ratbert, we'd like you to be the director of marketing for the company we're starting.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Wally; Ratbert
- Synopsis
- Ratbert becomes the director of marketing for Dilbert and Wally's company.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-03-14
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Working late again, huh, Alice?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Alice; Garbage Man
- Synopsis
- The Garbage Man tells Alice about overtime pay.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 19xx-xx-xx
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- The worst he can do is fire me...
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Pointy-Haired Boss
- Synopsis
- The Pointy-Haired Boss sneezes into Dilbert's shirt.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 19xx-xx-xx
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I should quit and become a contract employee.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Wally
- Synopsis
- Dilbert mocks Wally's goal.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-09-07
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Alice, I'm thinking about quitting and becoming a contract employee.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Alice; Wally
- Synopsis
- Alice gives Wally advice on becoming a contract employee.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (United Feature Syndicate) 1995-09-08
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Hey! That little stuffed doll looks just like me!
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert has a doll of his boss.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-05-31
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- As you requested, I dropped everything and wrote my career development plan.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Pointy-Haired Boss
- Synopsis
- Dilbert tries humor in a development plan.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-08-12
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- The company has decided to outsource all of the functions that we're not any good at.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Wally; Dilbert; Alice
- Synopsis
- The workers like the company's new plan.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-11-23
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I moved our software development work to the impoverished nation of Elbonia.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Pointy-Haired Boss
- Synopsis
- The Elbonians work cheap doing software coding.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-02-20
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Somewhere in Elbonia
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert is in Elbonia to check the software they wrote.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-02-22
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- You saved one million dollars by having programmers in Elbonia write software for us.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Pointy-Haired Boss
- Synopsis
- Dilbert points out the pluses and minuses of the decision to outsource software programming to Elbonia.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-02-24
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I need this information today.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- A co-worker tries to order Dilbert to do something.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-05-30
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Wally, I need your input on this by the end of the day.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Wally
- Synopsis
- A co-worker asks Wally for his input.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-05-31
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- The status of my action item is 50% done.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Dilbert; Wally; Alice
- Synopsis
- Wally reports on his status.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-06-17
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I could sit here doing nothing.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert considers what to do.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-06-25
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- And Ted gets this "Singular Achievement" award for creating the "We Are Teams" campaign.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Ted; Wally; Pointy-Haired Boss; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Ted wins an award.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-02-28
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'd like to kick-off the project with the traditional bad-mouthing of the guy who worked on this before.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Alice; Wally
- Synopsis
- Alice bad-mouths the guy who worked on the project before her.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (United Feature Syndicate) 1995-03-31
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'm writing an e-mail to protest the new policy of making the employees empty their own trash at night.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Wally; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert is upset at a new policy.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-09-13
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Where are you taking all of that office equipment?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Wally
- Synopsis
- Wally is taking office equipment to sell at a garage sale.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-09-18
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'm happy to report that I have embraced the new company slogan "Act like you own the company."
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Wally; Dilbert; Alice
- Synopsis
- Wally has used the new company slogan to fire the marketing department.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-09-19
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- We're poised for success.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Carol; Dilbert; Wally
- Synopsis
- The Boss reports two contradictory agenda items.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-10-02
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- We'll succeed if we understand who our competitors really are!
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Wally; Dilbert; Alice
- Synopsis
- Wally lists who his competitors are.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-10-09
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Three other people asked for that same information.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert gets some binders.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-10-27
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I don't mind donating blood... it's good for society...
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Wally; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- An employee is worried the company is getting too competitive about donating blood.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-11-08
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I just lost the subtle mental connection between my performance and my salary.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Alice; Wally
- Synopsis
- Dilbert realizes he gets paid the same no matter what he does.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-11-23
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- My accomplishment this week is that I've become an agent of change.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Wally; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Wally tells of his accomplishment this week.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-11-15
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- My laptop PC keeps freezing up.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert is trying to telecommute, but Dogbert is distracting him.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 19xx-xx-xx
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- My "defantalator" invention can eliminate the unproductive and naughty thoughts of your male employees.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss
- Synopsis
- A woman has a device to stop men from thinking like men.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1993-05-27
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- There's another unproductive man, daydreaming about attractive women.
- Genre
- humor
- Synopsis
- A woman uses her defantalator on an unsuspecting man.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (United Feature Syndicate) 1993-05-28
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I just watched the mandatory video on sexual harassment.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Wally; Alice
- Synopsis
- Wally feels the sexual harassment video worked.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-05-01
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Okay! This is one tidy little cubicle now!
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Alice
- Synopsis
- Dilbert is cleaning his cubicle.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-12-27
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- It's time for a visit from "Camping Carl."
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Camping Carl
- Synopsis
- Camping Carl visits Dilbert.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-01-12
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- As a co-op employee, you can't expect the same lush cubicle environment that the regular employees enjoy.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Dilbert; Alice
- Synopsis
- A new co-op is shown where he'll work.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-02-14
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- It looks like somebody is using binders to illegally increase the size of his cubicle.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Wally; Pointy-Haired Boss
- Synopsis
- Dilbert increases the size of his cubicle.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-10-28
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- It's time to use my speakerphone to do voice mail.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Bob the Dinosaur
- Synopsis
- Dilbert has Bob give a wedgie to an inconsiderate coworker.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-09-22
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- It's amazing how much we've changed since prehistoric times.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Wally
- Synopsis
- Dilbert and Wally think about what cavemen used to do.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-07-25
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Mr. Catbert, our evil director of Human Resources, will describe our new cubicle plan.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Catbert; Wally; Alice; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Catbert introduces the head cubicle.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-09-15
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Here's my time sheet, filled out in increments of fifteen minutes.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert explains what is considered work.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-09-15
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Yesterday we ran out of acronyms.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Pointy-Haired Boss
- Synopsis
- The company has run out of of acronyms and accounting codes.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1993-06-24
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Your new logo might look like a simple coffee stain, but what does the image say about you?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Dilbert; Alice; Pointy-Haired Boss
- Synopsis
- Dilbert and Alice say what the new logo indicates.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-06-12
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Mark, I'd like you to...
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Mark
- Synopsis
- The boss tries to give Mark an assignment.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (United Feature Syndicate) 1994-08-01
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- As you know, all projects are assigned acronyms.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Wally; Pointy-Haired Boss
- Synopsis
- Projects have to use less desirable acronyms.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1993-06-23
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Alice, you've got to lock up these proprietary documents you have in your cubicle.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Alice
- Synopsis
- The boss is worried competitors will get company documents.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-02-06
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- And that's the marketing plan. Any comments?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Wally
- Synopsis
- Dilbert and Wally mock the marketing plan.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-04-24
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I need some help...
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert prepares people's taxes.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 19xx-xx-xx
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Stocks... annuities... derivatives... capital gains tax...
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert tricks a guy into giving him money.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-04-18
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Here's a picture of you living in a dumpster in twenty years.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert shows a woman what she can own if she invests in the Dogbert deferred income fund.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-04-19
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Where's Dogbert?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert has started a phone line for gullible people.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-06-09
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I thought of another way to profit from the ignorance of humans.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert has written a health book.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1993-07-12
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- What are you making?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert is making commemorative plates.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1993-07-09
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- You already own the "Acorn Series" of Dogbert's commemoritive plates...
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert has a new series of commemorative plates.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1993-07-10
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- We had to cut some corners to get the demo ready this soon.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Pointy-Haired Boss; Wally
- Synopsis
- Dilbert and Wally rush a 3-D demo.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-03-07
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I've reduced your service costs by giving the technical-support group an unlisted phone number.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Pointy-Haired Boss; Alice; Wally
- Synopsis
- Dogbert reduces the company's service costs.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (United Feature Syndicate) 1996-01-26
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Press "one" for sales. Press "two" in a hopeless effort to get technical support.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert is stuck in a phone help hell.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-09-20
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- We mail our product to people and tell them its free for one year.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert
- Synopsis
- A woman explains her company's unethical way to make money off its product.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-10-24
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Your employees have recommended a vendor who has an attractive salesperson.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Pointy-Haired Boss
- Synopsis
- The boss chooses Dogbert's solution because he thinks it will save him money.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-12-06
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- It's inexplicable, but the low-cost system I sold you seems to be woefully underpowered.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert tries to get the boss to pay more money.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-12-09
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Your new software is successfully installed. Do you want to send your registration info by modem?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert makes the mistake of sending his registration info by modem.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-12-29
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- You can't expect your employer to take care of you forever, Wally.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Wally; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert gives Wally career advice.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-05-09
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- We've been having a problem with black-outs.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Wally; Pointy-Haired Boss
- Synopsis
- The boss has hired a worker to flap his arms to keep the motion-controlled lights on.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-02-22
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- The company announced we're being bought by our long-time rival.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Alice; Wally; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- The company has been bought and the engineers are worried about their jobs.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-05-13
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- After the merger, we'll reduce staff in areas that are redundant.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Alice; Wally; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- The new owner explains they will be laying off redundant employees.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-05-14
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'm paralyzed with fear because of the pending merger.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Pointy-Haired Boss
- Synopsis
- Dilbert is paralyzed with fear.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-05-15
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Although we are nothing but pond scum in this company...
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Wally
- Synopsis
- Dilbert and Wally find someone of lower status to torment.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 19xx96-06-05
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- You must do our bidding, vendor.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Wally
- Synopsis
- Dilbert and Wally make the vendor perform for them.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (United Feature Syndicate) 1996-06-06
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Bob, your self-esteem might improve if you got a job.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Bob the Dinosaur
- Synopsis
- Dilbert tells Bob about an opening at the company.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-07-27
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Your duties are simple.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Bob the Dinosaur; Paul
- Synopsis
- Bob gets the job in procurement.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-07-28
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'm afraid the equipment you want is not on the approved equipment list.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Bob the Dinosaur; Wally
- Synopsis
- The equipment Wally wants is not on the approved list.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-07-29
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- We're planning to hire a temp at work.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Ratbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert tells Ratbert of a temp job at the company.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-08-01
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Congratulations on getting hired as a temp, Ratbert.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Ratbert
- Synopsis
- Ratbert gets a temp job.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-08-03
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- This is really testing my sense of self-worth.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Ratbert; Dilbert; Wally
- Synopsis
- Ratbert tries to compensate for his loss of self-worth.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-08-04
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'm only a temp, but I demand respect!!
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Ratbert; Pointy-Haired Boss
- Synopsis
- Ratbert demands eye contact.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-08-05
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Your expense report was rejected by accounting.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert's expense account was rejected.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-08-21
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- If it's okay, I'll hold onto my soul while I visit the accounting department.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert goes to accounting.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-08-22
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- What are you trying to pull?? Do you think we're idiots in accounting?!!
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert answers a question wrong.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-08-23
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- You spent nearly $10 per day on meals during your trip.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert spent too much on food.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-08-24
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Dilbert is trapped in the bowels of accounting
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert goes to rescue Dilbert.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (United Feature Syndicate) 1995-08-25
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- The finance department has analyzed your computer needs and decided to give you a 286 PC.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Ratbert; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert is given a poor computer.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-06-21
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- The business plan for your start-up is idiotic but I'm going to provide the venture capital funding anyway.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Dilbert; Wally
- Synopsis
- Dogbert agrees to fund Dilbert and Wally's business.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-03-15
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- You'll use your technical expertise and I'll do the business stuff.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert funds an unsuspecting person.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-01-12
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- My idea is to develop a word processing program for Windows.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert
- Synopsis
- A man has a bad idea for a business.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-01-13
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'll invest up to five million dollars if you'll agree to some standard conditions.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert gives a man some conditions for his investment.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-01-14
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- These valuable documents should be stored for five years.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert takes some documents to records retention.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-09-02
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'm starting a new career as a technology pundit and columnist.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert writes angry opinions about technology.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-07-11
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- What makes you think you're qualified to be a technology columnist?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert feels it's easy for him to be a technology columnist.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-07-12
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.5 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Dear Tim, your book does not meet our current publishing needs.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert rejects a book submission.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-06-30
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'd like to withdraw two hundred dollars.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Ethel
- Synopsis
- Dilbert tries to withdraw money, but has learned that all accounts have been turned into secret Swiss accounts.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 19xx-xx-xx
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Help!! Purse snatcher!!
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert and Dogbert witness a purse snatching.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 19xx-xx-xx
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- This security system cost a fortune but it's worth it.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert sets up a new security system in his home.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (United Feature Syndicate) 1997-03-30
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'm taking orders for "Camp Girl Cookies" on behalf of my daughter.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Ted
- Synopsis
- Ted is selling cookies for his daughter.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 19xx-xx-xx
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- We'd better check it out.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert is providing parent licenses.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 19xx-xx-xx
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I would never buy something over the internet.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Liz
- Synopsis
- Dilbert is worried about buying things online.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-01-11
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Laptop computers are outdated.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Dave
- Synopsis
- A salesman shows Dilbert new tiny computers that you glue to your fingernails.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1993-03-10
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Hi, Dogbert. How are you?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert goes to the doctor.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1990-09-30
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.5 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- How's the job going, Anne?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Anne
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-10-04
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Sometimes I wonder, how would my life be different if all whales were extinct?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Pointy-Haired Boss; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- The boss doesn't see what's important about whales.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1993-01-21
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I joined the "Spotted Chipmunk Preservation Society."
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Dilbert; Wally
- Synopsis
- Dilbert tries to tranquilize the last male spotted chipmunk.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-01-30
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Vacation, here we come!
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Dogbert; Tantra
- Synopsis
- Dilbert wonders what the clerk is typing.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1995-12-24
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 1 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Problem: Bicycle seats are hard.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert shows how engineering provided a solution to bicycle seats.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-07-18
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.5 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Howdy!
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert meets a fish that's evolving.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 19xx-xx-xx
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.5 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I read that dinosaurs evolved into the bird family.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Bob the Dinosaur; Dawn
- Synopsis
- Bob explains some of the problems of dinosaurs evolving into birds.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (United Feature Syndicate) 1990-02-18
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- My philosophy is "if life gives you lemons, make lemonade."
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Ratbert
- Synopsis
- Ratbert explains his philosophy to Dogbert.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1994-07-08
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.34 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Hi, Ratbert. May I have some chips?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Ratbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert wants some chips from Ratbert.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 19xx-xx-xx
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'm going to pull Ratbert out of the hole in space before anything bad happens.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Dogbert; Ratbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert pulls Ratbert out of the hole in space.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1993-02-24
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Do you see "time" as a sequence of discrete events or simply a line of perception through infinite possibilities?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert asks Dilbert about time.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1996-06-04
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- What is reality, Mister Garbage Man?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Garbage Man; Ratbert
- Synopsis
- The garbage man tells Ratbert about reality.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 19xx-xx-xx
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- There... I think I've invented a way to send vast amounts of data without fiber optic cables.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert has a new way to send information.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1992-09-21
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.33 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Do you think the chemistry of the brain controls what people do?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dogbert asks Dilbert about free will.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 19xx-xx-xx
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- Is this the "Skeptics Association"? I need your help to prove my rat isn't psychic.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Dilbert has trouble with the Skeptics Association.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1998-01-15
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I'm glad the "Skeptics Association" sent you to debunk my rat's claims of ESP.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Ken; Dilbert
- Synopsis
- Ken from the Skeptics Association shows up at Dilbert's.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1998-01-16
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I alone know the contents of this envelope.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Ken; Ratbert
- Synopsis
- Ken asks Ratbert to tell him what's in an envelope.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1998-01-17
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- I've used the scientific method to debunk 100% of the people who claim they have mental powers.
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Ken; Dogbert
- Synopsis
- Ken tells Dogbert his success rate.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1998-01-19
[no title indexed]
Dilbert / comic story / 0.25 page
- First Line of Dialogue or Text
- If your controlled tests have never found psychic powers, how do you know the tests work for that sort of thing?
- Genre
- humor
- Characters
- Dogbert; Ken
- Synopsis
- Dogbert questions Ken's methods.
- Reprints
- from Dilbert (Universal Feature Syndicate) 1998-01-20
Editing
Related Scans
Table of Contents
-
1.
["Nature is so wonderful..."]
Dilbert -
2.
["Who the heck is running this planet??! It's a total disaster!!"]
Dilbert -
3.
["You adults have totally messed up the planet!! Where's the accountability??!"]
Dilbert -
4.
["Asok, come quickly! It's an emergency!"]
Dilbert -
5.
["From now on, salaries will be based on your predicted success, not your past performance."]
Dilbert -
6.
["I can predict the future by assuming that money and male hormones are the driving forces for new technology."]
Dilbert -
7.
["It seems almost unnatural for me to have an actual girlfriend."]
Dilbert -
8.
["Hey, little dog, smile. It only takes two muscles!"]
Dilbert -
9.
["Look, Ratbert. An entire computer has been baked into one silicon chip."]
Dilbert -
10.
["I want you to interview the new candidate for engineering. Don't reveal any ugly truths."]
Dilbert -
11.
["Uh-oh. A vendor is scanning me."]
Dilbert -
12.
["I'll give Albert a male bonding shoulder massage to show I'm a team player."]
Dilbert -
13.
["Here's your employee locator device."]
Dilbert -
14.
["Wally, you just sent me the same e-mail you sent last week."]
Dilbert -
15.
["You can create the illusion that you work long hours by leaving voice mails for your boss at 4 a.m."]
Dilbert -
16.
["I got myself a little work-avoidance device."]
Dilbert -
17.
["I invented a "stealth business suit" to avoid assignments at work today."]
Dilbert -
18.
["I hate my shirts."]
Dilbert -
19.
["...but by far, this computer is our most user-friendly."]
Dilbert -
20.
["Can anybody show me what you do with a microwave?"]
Dilbert -
21.
["In an effort to boost sales, laptop computers have been given to every member of the sales force."]
Dilbert -
22.
["My company asked all employees to act as salespeople to friends and family."]
Dilbert -
23.
["I'm going to seek relief from my many woes by sharing them with you."]
Dilbert -
24.
["From now on, I'm going to charge anybody who gives me their opinion."]
Dilbert -
25.
["My proposed work plan for the year is to stress-test our product under severe network conditions."]
Dilbert -
26.
["I call my invention the D-chip television filter."]
Dilbert -
27.
["I'm inventing a new technology to prevent kids from seeing smut on the internet."]
Dilbert -
28.
["Matt, your job is to test my new invention that blocks kids from seeing dirty pictures on the internet."]
Dilbert -
29.
["Government statistics show that office productivity went down as computers became widely used."]
Dilbert -
30.
["Thank you all for coming to our engineering quality team meeting."]
Dilbert -
31.
["Expand... window"]
Dilbert -
32.
["Let's go around the table and share our accomplishments."]
Dilbert -
33.
["I just got our consultant's report."]
Dilbert -
34.
["You haven't heard what the problem is yet; how can you recommend building a database to solve it??"]
Dilbert -
35.
["What makes these a "value"?"]
Dilbert -
36.
["I am drawn by the allure of fabulous wealth and a life of hedonistic delight... one please."]
Dilbert -
37.
["How to get free energy"]
Dilbert -
38.
["I recommend standardizing on one type of computer for the office."]
Dilbert -
39.
["Hold it right there, buddy."]
Dilbert -
40.
["I used to write programs using punch cards... but I'd rather be fishing..."]
Dilbert -
41.
["We won the bid to rebuild our nation's air traffic control systems."]
Dilbert -
42.
["Wally writes the critical code for our nation's new air traffic control system."]
Dilbert -
43.
["Thanks to my leadership, the new air traffic control system is designed on time and under budget."]
Dilbert -
44.
["I have too many passwords in my life. What if I forget them?"]
Dilbert -
45.
["Your ignorance seems to have no limit. Your opinions are idiotic."]
Dilbert -
46.
["My status report is a bit light this week because I'm having an e-mail flame war with Wally."]
Dilbert -
47.
["The secret to good relationships is to be a huge phony."]
Dilbert -
48.
["Our Elbonian division was the low bidder for launching French satellites into orbit."]
Dilbert -
49.
["If I left engineering and became a manager would I be as sexy as I am now, Liz?"]
Dilbert -
50.
["Halt and submit to the mind scan of "Brainitor, the guardian of security.""]
Dilbert -
51.
["I tried to fax it but our fax machine is broken."]
Dilbert -
52.
["The less you know, the happier you are."]
Dilbert -
53.
["I need a replacement for my company cellular phone."]
Dilbert -
54.
["My name is Ratbert. I fear the information superhighway."]
Dilbert -
55.
["This is Marilyn Vos Savant, the smartest human alive."]
Dilbert -
56.
["This bag contains all the mail you've sent me about my "Often Flier" status."]
Dilbert -
57.
["I hired a professional to help us design our product interface."]
Dilbert -
58.
["My theory is that a computer interface should hurt the user."]
Dilbert -
59.
["Sure, we could bring some strangers in to test our product for ease of use..."]
Dilbert -
60.
["To configure the software, enter the name of next year's Academy Award winner for Best Actor."]
Dilbert -
61.
["Quantity... two sided... reduced to 98%... collated... with staple... portrait... two colors... darken... legal size paper..."]
Dilbert -
62.
["According to this, a technical degree becomes obsolete in five years."]
Dilbert -
63.
["Let's start with a brief refresher in macro economics."]
Dilbert -
64.
["I declare my self the patron saint of technology."]
Dilbert -
65.
["Saint Dogbert seeks out technology that has been possessed by the demons of stupidity."]
Dilbert -
66.
["Do you remember last election day... and how you convinced me to not vote?"]
Dilbert -
67.
["People are getting stupider every day, relatively speaking."]
Dilbert -
68.
["I oppose putting career criminals in jail for life."]
Dilbert -
69.
["I synthesized the pheromones that make men and women attracted to each other."]
Dilbert -
70.
["I'm wearing a synthetic pheromone scent that makes me irresistible."]
Dilbert -
71.
["Uh... Lisa, I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me."]
Dilbert -
72.
["I'm so lucky to be dating you, Liz."]
Dilbert -
73.
["I don't understand why some people wash their bath towels."]
Dilbert -
74.
["What's wrong with you?"]
Dilbert -
75.
["We've been dating for a year now, Liz."]
Dilbert -
76.
["I think you like that computer more than you like me."]
Dilbert -
77.
["Hey, Matt."]
Dilbert -
78.
["Society will become divided into technology "haves" and "have nots.""]
Dilbert -
79.
["If this company won't use our product idea let's quit and start our own business!"]
Dilbert -
80.
["It has come to my attention that some employees are running side businesses from their cubicles."]
Dilbert -
81.
["Ratbert, we'd like you to be the director of marketing for the company we're starting."]
Dilbert -
82.
["Working late again, huh, Alice?"]
Dilbert -
83.
["The worst he can do is fire me..."]
Dilbert -
84.
["I should quit and become a contract employee."]
Dilbert -
85.
["Alice, I'm thinking about quitting and becoming a contract employee."]
Dilbert -
86.
["Hey! That little stuffed doll looks just like me!"]
Dilbert -
87.
["As you requested, I dropped everything and wrote my career development plan."]
Dilbert -
88.
["The company has decided to outsource all of the functions that we're not any good at."]
Dilbert -
89.
["I moved our software development work to the impoverished nation of Elbonia."]
Dilbert -
90.
["Somewhere in Elbonia"]
Dilbert -
91.
["You saved one million dollars by having programmers in Elbonia write software for us."]
Dilbert -
92.
["I need this information today."]
Dilbert -
93.
["Wally, I need your input on this by the end of the day."]
Dilbert -
94.
["The status of my action item is 50% done."]
Dilbert -
95.
["I could sit here doing nothing."]
Dilbert -
96.
["And Ted gets this "Singular Achievement" award for creating the "We Are Teams" campaign."]
Dilbert -
97.
["I'd like to kick-off the project with the traditional bad-mouthing of the guy who worked on this before."]
Dilbert -
98.
["I'm writing an e-mail to protest the new policy of making the employees empty their own trash at night."]
Dilbert -
99.
["Where are you taking all of that office equipment?"]
Dilbert -
100.
["I'm happy to report that I have embraced the new company slogan "Act like you own the company.""]
Dilbert -
101.
["We're poised for success."]
Dilbert -
102.
["We'll succeed if we understand who our competitors really are!"]
Dilbert -
103.
["Three other people asked for that same information."]
Dilbert -
104.
["I don't mind donating blood... it's good for society..."]
Dilbert -
105.
["I just lost the subtle mental connection between my performance and my salary."]
Dilbert -
106.
["My accomplishment this week is that I've become an agent of change."]
Dilbert -
107.
["My laptop PC keeps freezing up."]
Dilbert -
108.
["My "defantalator" invention can eliminate the unproductive and naughty thoughts of your male employees."]
Dilbert -
109.
["There's another unproductive man, daydreaming about attractive women."]
Dilbert -
110.
["I just watched the mandatory video on sexual harassment."]
Dilbert -
111.
["Okay! This is one tidy little cubicle now!"]
Dilbert -
112.
["It's time for a visit from "Camping Carl.""]
Dilbert -
113.
["As a co-op employee, you can't expect the same lush cubicle environment that the regular employees enjoy."]
Dilbert -
114.
["It looks like somebody is using binders to illegally increase the size of his cubicle."]
Dilbert -
115.
["It's time to use my speakerphone to do voice mail."]
Dilbert -
116.
["It's amazing how much we've changed since prehistoric times."]
Dilbert -
117.
["Mr. Catbert, our evil director of Human Resources, will describe our new cubicle plan."]
Dilbert -
118.
["Here's my time sheet, filled out in increments of fifteen minutes."]
Dilbert -
119.
["Yesterday we ran out of acronyms."]
Dilbert -
120.
["Your new logo might look like a simple coffee stain, but what does the image say about you?"]
Dilbert -
121.
["Mark, I'd like you to..."]
Dilbert -
122.
["As you know, all projects are assigned acronyms."]
Dilbert -
123.
["Alice, you've got to lock up these proprietary documents you have in your cubicle."]
Dilbert -
124.
["And that's the marketing plan. Any comments?"]
Dilbert -
125.
["I need some help..."]
Dilbert -
126.
["Stocks... annuities... derivatives... capital gains tax..."]
Dilbert -
127.
["Here's a picture of you living in a dumpster in twenty years."]
Dilbert -
128.
["Where's Dogbert?"]
Dilbert -
129.
["I thought of another way to profit from the ignorance of humans."]
Dilbert -
130.
["What are you making?"]
Dilbert -
131.
["You already own the "Acorn Series" of Dogbert's commemoritive plates..."]
Dilbert -
132.
["We had to cut some corners to get the demo ready this soon."]
Dilbert -
133.
["I've reduced your service costs by giving the technical-support group an unlisted phone number."]
Dilbert -
134.
["Press "one" for sales. Press "two" in a hopeless effort to get technical support."]
Dilbert -
135.
["We mail our product to people and tell them its free for one year."]
Dilbert -
136.
["Your employees have recommended a vendor who has an attractive salesperson."]
Dilbert -
137.
["It's inexplicable, but the low-cost system I sold you seems to be woefully underpowered."]
Dilbert -
138.
["Your new software is successfully installed. Do you want to send your registration info by modem?"]
Dilbert -
139.
["You can't expect your employer to take care of you forever, Wally."]
Dilbert -
140.
["We've been having a problem with black-outs."]
Dilbert -
141.
["The company announced we're being bought by our long-time rival."]
Dilbert -
142.
["After the merger, we'll reduce staff in areas that are redundant."]
Dilbert -
143.
["I'm paralyzed with fear because of the pending merger."]
Dilbert -
144.
["Although we are nothing but pond scum in this company..."]
Dilbert -
145.
["You must do our bidding, vendor."]
Dilbert -
146.
["Bob, your self-esteem might improve if you got a job."]
Dilbert -
147.
["Your duties are simple."]
Dilbert -
148.
["I'm afraid the equipment you want is not on the approved equipment list."]
Dilbert -
149.
["We're planning to hire a temp at work."]
Dilbert -
150.
["Congratulations on getting hired as a temp, Ratbert."]
Dilbert -
151.
["This is really testing my sense of self-worth."]
Dilbert -
152.
["I'm only a temp, but I demand respect!!"]
Dilbert -
153.
["Your expense report was rejected by accounting."]
Dilbert -
154.
["If it's okay, I'll hold onto my soul while I visit the accounting department."]
Dilbert -
155.
["What are you trying to pull?? Do you think we're idiots in accounting?!!"]
Dilbert -
156.
["You spent nearly $10 per day on meals during your trip."]
Dilbert -
157.
["Dilbert is trapped in the bowels of accounting"]
Dilbert -
158.
["The finance department has analyzed your computer needs and decided to give you a 286 PC."]
Dilbert -
159.
["The business plan for your start-up is idiotic but I'm going to provide the venture capital funding anyway."]
Dilbert -
160.
["You'll use your technical expertise and I'll do the business stuff."]
Dilbert -
161.
["My idea is to develop a word processing program for Windows."]
Dilbert -
162.
["I'll invest up to five million dollars if you'll agree to some standard conditions."]
Dilbert -
163.
["These valuable documents should be stored for five years."]
Dilbert -
164.
["I'm starting a new career as a technology pundit and columnist."]
Dilbert -
165.
["What makes you think you're qualified to be a technology columnist?"]
Dilbert -
166.
["Dear Tim, your book does not meet our current publishing needs."]
Dilbert -
167.
["I'd like to withdraw two hundred dollars."]
Dilbert -
168.
["Help!! Purse snatcher!!"]
Dilbert -
169.
["This security system cost a fortune but it's worth it."]
Dilbert -
170.
["I'm taking orders for "Camp Girl Cookies" on behalf of my daughter."]
Dilbert -
171.
["We'd better check it out."]
Dilbert -
172.
["I would never buy something over the internet."]
Dilbert -
173.
["Laptop computers are outdated."]
Dilbert -
174.
["Hi, Dogbert. How are you?"]
Dilbert -
175.
["How's the job going, Anne?"]
Dilbert -
176.
["Sometimes I wonder, how would my life be different if all whales were extinct?"]
Dilbert -
177.
["I joined the "Spotted Chipmunk Preservation Society.""]
Dilbert -
178.
["Vacation, here we come!"]
Dilbert -
179.
["Problem: Bicycle seats are hard."]
Dilbert -
180.
["Howdy!"]
Dilbert -
181.
["I read that dinosaurs evolved into the bird family."]
Dilbert -
182.
["My philosophy is "if life gives you lemons, make lemonade.""]
Dilbert -
183.
["Hi, Ratbert. May I have some chips?"]
Dilbert -
184.
["I'm going to pull Ratbert out of the hole in space before anything bad happens."]
Dilbert -
185.
["Do you see "time" as a sequence of discrete events or simply a line of perception through infinite possibilities?"]
Dilbert -
186.
["What is reality, Mister Garbage Man?"]
Dilbert -
187.
["There... I think I've invented a way to send vast amounts of data without fiber optic cables."]
Dilbert -
188.
["Do you think the chemistry of the brain controls what people do?"]
Dilbert -
189.
["Is this the "Skeptics Association"? I need your help to prove my rat isn't psychic."]
Dilbert -
190.
["I'm glad the "Skeptics Association" sent you to debunk my rat's claims of ESP."]
Dilbert -
191.
["I alone know the contents of this envelope."]
Dilbert -
192.
["I've used the scientific method to debunk 100% of the people who claim they have mental powers."]
Dilbert -
193.
["If your controlled tests have never found psychic powers, how do you know the tests work for that sort of thing?"]
Dilbert -
194.
["Okay, we've narrowed it down to the theories we don't understand."]
Dilbert
This issue was modified by
- Keith Alan Morgan
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copyrighted by the GCD and are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License (CC BY-SA 4.0). This includes but is not necessarily limited to our database schema and data distribution format.